Can’t your god make a better miracle than poop stains in a diaper?

May 25, 2016

It was making headlines recently, a poop smear in the shape of a cross in a newborn baby’s diaper. Big poopie whoopie. Wonkette reports via Patheos that the mother, Katy Vasquez, took to Facebook to show the world this miraculous discovery.

This sign came in the oddest form. My babies poop. I went to change his diaper, and he pooped a cross. It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. In my babies diaper. Lol. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.

If you can, or want to, feel free to share the message. That God is with us. And he gives us signs to let us know that things will be OK. It’s not always the prettiest sign, but he puts it where he knows we’ll see it. We’re good most of the time, but God is good all the time.

I’m sharing, all right — not because of gods, but because of belief in gods and how far gods appear to have fallen in terms of making themselves known to their believers. A poopy diaper? Really? Is that the best trick he’s got? Taking advantage of fabric and natural wrinkles and bodily functions?

While looking for this particular news story, my search also highlighted Yahoo Answers where the question is asked, Did Jesus poop on the cross? The “best” answer comes from someone going by the handle of Non-Believers are Dead Inside (spelling errors kept as found):

Well first of all the crucifixes are actaully censored they have Jesus wearing a loin cloth but actually He was naked as a form of public embarisment for the crucified prisoners. And yes they went to the bathroom hanging upon their crosses. In fact when a person is dying it’s not uncommon for that person to wet and soil themselves.
You make fun of things like this now but one day when you get old or when your dying your going to have accidents yourself. There is a reason why companies make diapers for adults.

No sources cited to verify any little factoids here regarding loincloths but I did find an abstract at the National Library of Medicine:

Death, usually after 6 hours–4 days, was due to multifactorial pathology: after-effects of compulsory scourging and maiming, haemorrhage and dehydration causing hypovolaemic shock and pain, but the most important factor was progressive asphyxia caused by impairment of respiratory movement. Resultant anoxaemia exaggerated hypovolaemic shock. Death was probably commonly precipitated by cardiac arrest, caused by vasovagal reflexes, initiated inter alia by severe anoxaemia, severe pain, body blows and breaking of the large bones. The attending Roman guards could only leave the site after the victim had died, and were known to precipitate death by means of deliberate fracturing of the tibia and/or fibula, spear stab wounds into the heart, sharp blows to the front of the chest, or a smoking fire built at the foot of the cross to asphyxiate the victim.

So, really, pooping yourself would have been the least of your worries.

Back to gods and miracles, though. I’ll have to invoke The Great God Om now. As a Terry Pratchett fan from way, way, way back, I highly recommend his book Small Gods.

The one true god of Omnia has gone through a bad time. Om transformed himself into a tortoise at some point in the past but, due to the lack of true believers now, he’s stuck in this low form. The loudest, most obnoxious religious folk don’t believe in him as much as they pretend they do so they don’t hear him call for help, or writhe in agony as he curses them. In fact, the only real believer he has left is Brutha, a pathetic novice at the temple who can barely hoe the lettuce but knows the books of Om upside down and sideways and Believes in him completely. Om must take Brutha on the path to becoming the next prophet, no matter how difficult a task it may be.

The Turtle Moves. And it should move into your bookshelves immediately.


Not to make it look like all our library buys is junk but…

August 11, 2014

Here’s a list of recently received titles.

The Power of Your Angels: 28 days to finding your path and realizing your life’s dreams by Isabelle von Fallois

Offering exercises, rituals, and case studies, this step-by-step process increases daily contact with personal angels and helps to form a more positive belief system, so that synchronicities and miracles become a standard part of life.

The Big Book of Angel Tarot

By removing the fear, worry and secrecy, Doreen and Radleigh have reintroduced the world to this language of the Divine without diminishing any of the amazing accuracy and detailed information that tarot is known for.

Complete book of Tarot Spreads

Tarot is like a puzzle or a work of art, and a great way to maximize intuition and have fun, too. In this insightful, imaginative look at interpretation, two of the best-known authors in the field examine 122 card layouts, complete with instructions on when and how to use them. You can learn the basics, read personality and year cards in a way that’s specifically related to your own interests, and explore larger cards and networks of cards. Featuring a rich variety of approaches, including Cycle of the Year (with 20 major layouts), tarot and astrology, and Arthur A. Waite and Aleister Crowley’s Golden Dawn System, this guide contains the tools for finding answers to life’s pressing questions.

Magnet Therapy: The Gentle and Effective Way to Balance Body Systems by Ghanshyam Singh Birla

Because over the past 500 years the strength of the Earth’s magnetic field has been reduced by half, and this problem is compounded by the cars and high-rises in which we spend our time, which cut us off from the natural stabilizing magnetic energy of the planet. Numerous scientific studies have shown that many cases of back, neck, or chest pain, headaches, dizziness, insomnia, and general fatigue are actually caused by what is known as Magnetic Field Deficiency Syndrome, and magnets can provide rapid relief in these cases.

Communing with the Divine: A Clairvoyant’s Guide to Angels, Archangels, and the Spiritual Hierarchy by Barbara Y Martin.

Based on Martin’s extensive direct clairvoyant experiences, this book will teach you to work closely with angels, archangels, and other divine beings who guide you in day-to-day living and help you achieve your destiny.

And my personal favourite: Conversations with History: Inspiration, Reflections and Advice from History-Makers and Celebrities on the Other Side by Susan Lander

Channeled by a psychic medium and written in interview format, this book takes readers on a unique journey with 22 spirits who were famous (or infamous) during their time on earth. Renowned personalities from 600 BC to 2011 AD – from Charlemagne, Ben Franklin and Gandhi to the Notorious B.I.G., Kurt Vonnegut and Steve Jobs – have returned to share their most important messages with us.

Plus one book that arrived the same day which I will have to borrow: Consult the Oracle: A Victorian Guide to Folklore and Fortune Telling by Gabriel Nostradamus.

The Victorian era is renowned for its fascination with the superstitious and the spiritual; the theatrics of the magician, the fortune-teller and the seance astounded nineteenth-century audiences. This illustrated book, first published in 1900, offers a layman’s guide to “matters magical and mysterious”, including how to interpret dreams, omens of good and evil, palm-reading, using ouija boards and identifying witches.

Doesn’t that one sound fun? I don’t need angels or tarot cards or magnetism to let me know a book report may be on the horizon…

10 questions for every atheist part 2

July 17, 2014

I found out about the list here and the original set of questions. I haven’t even read the answers given at maasaiboys because I didn’t want to look like a copy-cat.

Answers 6-10: Read the rest of this entry »

10 questions for every atheist part 1

July 17, 2014

I found out about the list here and the original set of questions. I haven’t even read the answers given at maasaiboys because I didn’t want to look like a copy-cat.

I wound up writing quite a lot for the answers so I’m breaking this into two parts. Questions 1 through 5: Read the rest of this entry »

In any other world, black spots on bread would be mold

October 3, 2011

Not so in the world of Roman Catholics. Polish ones are convinced a dark mark on a communion wafer is visible proof of Jesus Christ’s heart. How would they get this bizarre notion? From doctors who examined the wafer, that’s how:

The communion wafer in question developed a brown spot in 2008 after falling on the floor during a Mass in the eastern Polish town of Sokolka. Two medical doctors determined that the spot was heart muscle tissue, church officials have said.

Bialystok Archbishop Edward Ozorowski said during the Mass that in history, the “substance of Christ’s body or blood has become available to the human senses, and this also happened in Sokolka.”

“For God, nothing is impossible,” Ozorowski said.

The dark-spotted wafer was carried aloft in a reliquary by a golden-robed priest in a procession and was put on display in the town’s church of St. Anthony as about 1,000 faithful looked on.

Though some believers consider the object miraculous, the Vatican is still examining the matter and has not yet officially decided whether to declare it a miracle, church spokesman Andrzej Debski said.

Seems like a story that should have come from the Onion..

So, I’ve started weight lifting..

August 2, 2011

And by start, I mean I bought a pair of five pound weights and have already discovered just how feeble my arm muscles are. Is there a level below beginner? That’s where I am. A decade of doing little more than stare at a screen has a little more to do with it than anything else, that’s for certain. It’s going to be a challenge to work them up to something less embarrassing, but worth it.

Long walks and better eating habits in the past year have helped me drop 46 pounds, though, and I’m pleased about that. I can stand to lose another 50. This time around I feel a lot more motivated to keep the weight off, too.

I have friends who are into running, but I’d need to be chased by zombies before I’d run very far. Other friends are mad about cycling but I’ve tossed enough cash at new things lately so I don’t think I’ll be adding a bike to my pile of crap anytime soon. I have roller blades, a yoga mat and a row machine so it’s not like I don’t have enough toys to play with as it is. Just have to feel like using them.

And when I get to whatever look it is I’m aiming for, you know I won’t be thanking God for the miracle. I remember when I was still working at Wal-mart a shopper had come in to try clothes on and was raving about her weight loss and how much God helped her do it. In my mind I was thinking, “So, the 40 pounds fell off your body overnight? Now that’d be a miracle.” Why are some people so reluctant to take credit for their own good work? Why do things like that have to be attributed to some supernatural cause? Is there still some sense in some minds that it’s sinful to take pride in something you’ve accomplished? There’s a difference between stating a fact and bragging about ability where ability doesn’t exist. If the ability exists, why not admit it? That’s how a real sense of self-worth is built, isn’t it? How can you feel good about yourself if you’re reluctant to give yourself credit where and when it’s due?

But anyway, enough about that. It’s time to make my arms beg for mercy again.

How did I miss word about the new miracle healer?

May 31, 2011

Pulled a kid right out of a coma with his voice, he did.

At least, David Hasselhoff says he did, with a recording of his voice for a young fan:

Britain’s Got Talent judge Hoff told BBC Radio Five Live: “The upside of being in showbiz is being able to hold the hand of a kid who is dying, you know.

“I did a tape for a kid saying, ‘Hey buddy, it’s Michael Knight, Michael Knight, come on, wake up, wake up, wake up’.

“The phone rang and they said, ‘Remember that kid you did the tape for that was hit at that crosswalk in London? Well we played the tape for him and he came out of the coma.’

I went, ‘Whoa, whoa’. He said, ‘We played it ONCE’.

“I met the kid at the hotel afterwards.

“I don’t want to be corny or anything but that’s happened to me a thousand times all around the world because it can affect people in a positive way.”

Emphasis was in the original. I’m curious about the “thousand times all around the world” line, I have to say. Is it mere hyperbole or does he truly believe there are that many people who could claim similar miracles occurred in his presence?

I don’t tend to follow celebrity buzz – and frankly, after the naked puppy and drunken burger incidents I’d written the man off completely – but I googled “I was healed by David Hasselhoff” and nobody else has courageously stepped forward to claim he has that kind of power. I did find the interview CBS 2 / KCAL 9 Los Angeles posted with Gary Bryan and Lisa Stanley of KEARTH 101 FM, who had a few laughs over the idea of Hasselhoff curing thousands with positive thinking. “Why doesn’t he heal himself with those powers?” asks Stanley, who thinks he’s “Hoff his rocker”.

Another amusing thing I found about him was a forum post from years back by someone who decided he’s the anti-Christ, partly because his name can be arranged into “fad of devil’s hash”:

What does this mean? Well, Baywatch is David’s fad. David is the devil. The Hash is what makes Knight Rider popular in Amsterdam.

(I was actually hoping to make the letters in his name spell out he is of the devil, which would be possible if his middle name was “Ethesis,” which it might be. I’m sure his publicist would hide such a middle name if it were true.)

Second — and most importantly — David Hasselhoff and his television series were foretold in the Bible. Biblical scholars worldwide may quibble over interpretations, but they all agree on this….

So is he a miracle worker, the devil incarnate (read that whole thing; it’s hilarious), or a whackaloon allowed too close to microphones? You decide.