Can’t your god make a better miracle than poop stains in a diaper?

May 25, 2016

It was making headlines recently, a poop smear in the shape of a cross in a newborn baby’s diaper. Big poopie whoopie. Wonkette reports via Patheos that the mother, Katy Vasquez, took to Facebook to show the world this miraculous discovery.

This sign came in the oddest form. My babies poop. I went to change his diaper, and he pooped a cross. It might not be the prettiest sign, but he put it where he knew I’d see it. In my babies diaper. Lol. Hard to miss what’s right there in front of you.

If you can, or want to, feel free to share the message. That God is with us. And he gives us signs to let us know that things will be OK. It’s not always the prettiest sign, but he puts it where he knows we’ll see it. We’re good most of the time, but God is good all the time.

I’m sharing, all right — not because of gods, but because of belief in gods and how far gods appear to have fallen in terms of making themselves known to their believers. A poopy diaper? Really? Is that the best trick he’s got? Taking advantage of fabric and natural wrinkles and bodily functions?

While looking for this particular news story, my search also highlighted Yahoo Answers where the question is asked, Did Jesus poop on the cross? The “best” answer comes from someone going by the handle of Non-Believers are Dead Inside (spelling errors kept as found):

Well first of all the crucifixes are actaully censored they have Jesus wearing a loin cloth but actually He was naked as a form of public embarisment for the crucified prisoners. And yes they went to the bathroom hanging upon their crosses. In fact when a person is dying it’s not uncommon for that person to wet and soil themselves.
You make fun of things like this now but one day when you get old or when your dying your going to have accidents yourself. There is a reason why companies make diapers for adults.

No sources cited to verify any little factoids here regarding loincloths but I did find an abstract at the National Library of Medicine:

Death, usually after 6 hours–4 days, was due to multifactorial pathology: after-effects of compulsory scourging and maiming, haemorrhage and dehydration causing hypovolaemic shock and pain, but the most important factor was progressive asphyxia caused by impairment of respiratory movement. Resultant anoxaemia exaggerated hypovolaemic shock. Death was probably commonly precipitated by cardiac arrest, caused by vasovagal reflexes, initiated inter alia by severe anoxaemia, severe pain, body blows and breaking of the large bones. The attending Roman guards could only leave the site after the victim had died, and were known to precipitate death by means of deliberate fracturing of the tibia and/or fibula, spear stab wounds into the heart, sharp blows to the front of the chest, or a smoking fire built at the foot of the cross to asphyxiate the victim.

So, really, pooping yourself would have been the least of your worries.

Back to gods and miracles, though. I’ll have to invoke The Great God Om now. As a Terry Pratchett fan from way, way, way back, I highly recommend his book Small Gods.

The one true god of Omnia has gone through a bad time. Om transformed himself into a tortoise at some point in the past but, due to the lack of true believers now, he’s stuck in this low form. The loudest, most obnoxious religious folk don’t believe in him as much as they pretend they do so they don’t hear him call for help, or writhe in agony as he curses them. In fact, the only real believer he has left is Brutha, a pathetic novice at the temple who can barely hoe the lettuce but knows the books of Om upside down and sideways and Believes in him completely. Om must take Brutha on the path to becoming the next prophet, no matter how difficult a task it may be.

The Turtle Moves. And it should move into your bookshelves immediately.


Atheist Scruples 2014: women and boobs

August 31, 2014

A couple different issues trigger this one. First, should women be allowed to go topless like men can? I think the answer should be yes but that doesn’t mean I’ll want to be one of them. I’m pro-choice in many ways.

In Saskatoon last August a woman got charged for going topless on the sandbars by the river.

Danielle Forget was tanning at the sand bar near Spadina Crescent Thursday when she decided to go topless. The move offended at least one other beach comber, and the police showed up at the beach.

“It’s a public place, a kid and a family friendly place. We don’t need that here,” said Jenelyn Ong, who called the police about Forget’s topless tanning.

“My nephew is 13, going into high school. He’s never been exposed to anything like that,” she said.

Oh, you sweet, ignorant woman. Of course he has. And if he hasn’t, he may as well see it now so he’s not surprised later. Women look like that with their tops off, kid.. Use it as a learning experience and be the cool aunt, not the crochety old bag he’ll complain about spending a summer with later on in life.

John Gormley is a local talk radio host I don’t listen to, but I found a facebook page where this news story was getting discussed. Most of the comments leaned toward, “They’re boobs; get over it.” It’s natural. It’s not unseemly. It’s not wrong. It’s natural.

The strange UFO cult called the Raelians recently picketed in Montreal for the right of women to go topless.

There were about two dozen women at the protest, along with several shirtless men showing support by wearing bras.

Onlookers taking cellphone pictures of the topless women outnumbered protesters.

Go Topless Day was founded in 2007 by Rael, the spiritual leader of the Raelians, and Sunday’s event was the second Go Topless rally in Montreal.

Clearly I don’t keep up with topless news on a regular basis. Never heard of this.

Also recently, also Montreal: Read the rest of this entry »

The One Minion Search Party, volume 28

September 16, 2009

I’ve probably said it before, but I really don’t get how the searches, as broad (or weird) as they are, generate hits here. Somebody looks for “funny” or “babies” or “chinese eat baby soup” or “angel statue with arm broken off” and it all winds up in my stats whether anyone’s actually clicked on the search engine’s link to my site or not? It makes me feel something like an ignoramus to not know these things.

Ah well, I am to coding as I am to car repair. I can find the windshield wiper fluid and add oil. But not into the windshield wiper fluid receptacle because that’d be really really wrong…

Anywho, searches. My numbering of these volumes is a little wonky since there are a lot of weeks where I wasn’t blogging, and last week I just plumb forgot about it altogether.

Looking at my overall stats, it is somewhat alarming how many people are looking for Chinese people eating babies. I know I’ve wondered about some of the mystery meats under the red lights at Asian buffets before but I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten anything that was once a human (or could become one — did you know there’s a cookbook just for semen as an additive out there? It’s called Natural Harvest. Seriously.) If they’re looking for man-eating babies, that isn’t much better. That sounds more like a foray into pedophilia, which is nothing one should be supportive of or promote in any way. Yikes.

Searching for baby photos is another weird one, as far as I’m concerned. I get the desire to look at the photos of family or friends or even the polite nod and smile as your cubicle neighbour swamps you with pics of the newest crotch-fruit. But just searching for baby pictures with no particular baby in mind? What’s that all about? What are people looking for, those odd looking trollish babies, or the ones wearing funny t-shirts advertising babies loving boobies? What? Somebody explain it to me sometime. I genuinely wonder.

“Jesus Christ vs Zeus” makes me think of World Wrestling for some reason. Talk about the match of the century. Was Jesus a pacifist? What would Jesus do? Could the Son of God actually clothesline the Son of Titans or would Zeus just piledrive him into the mat and light his tights on fire with a well placed lightening bolt….okay, and now I’m getting a visual of Christ’s tight butt hanging out for the world to see, and well, I’m blushing a little…if there’s a hell to be had, I’d be on my way, I’m sure.

And I can’t even translate המבורגר — but if Google Images is anything to go by, it’s more hamburgers. People just love hamburgers. I don’t think vegetarians are ever gonna win. No siree bob.

fail owned pwned pictures
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Well, this party was funner than most. And yes, I’m fully aware funner is not a word. Learn to deal. It’ll help with the Poker…