Jim Bakker sells survival gear now because armageddon

In the States right now it’s National Preparedness Month and this time of year can bring the end-of-the-world folks out of their bunkers. In 2009 I wrote about the Survival Seed Bank and in 2010 Survivor Mall got the nod. This year it’s Jim and Tammy Bakker making headlines. This year I credit the Daily Mail for their story for my not quite yearly tradition.

Originally sentenced to 45 years in Federal prison in 1989, Bakker was paroled after five, following a hearing that determined the judge who sentenced him injected his own religious beliefs into the sentence.

‘Money’s gonna be worthless when disaster strikes,’ Bakker shouted at his audience the other day. ‘That’s why I am telling you to stock up on food and survival supplies so you can feed your loved ones when that time comes.’

According to Jim and Lori’s website, JimBakkerShow.com, the survival necessities include clothing, water and all kinds of packaged food supplies, mostly dried foods and powders. $1000 will buy you 10 buckets of beans and two buckets of tomato flakes. And for an additional $10 they’ll throw in the bucket opener!

So what’s Jim going to do with all this wealth he accumulates from his survival sales if it’ll be worthless “soon”? The article doesn’t say.

There’s one more bonus if you hurry… A LARGE PRINT Bible – perhaps in case you misplace your glasses while running for your life.

But that’s not all folks! You’re gonna need a survival suit.

‘Bakker’s survival gear is made out of a sort of Khaki green padded nylon,’ says a source familiar with the line. ‘But by the time you dress everyone in your household – it could cost you a small fortune!

‘You’ll pay $200 for each pair of suit pants, and another $200 for each jacket. And if you’re a plus size… add in an extra $50. The hood will also cost you $50 bucks, and add another $40 for each pair of padded mittens. Of course you can’t forget the boots – they’re gonna add another $50 to your bill.

And they offer pictures of the happy greedy couple and screenshots of their website. Don’t actually go to their website. It’s nice to see the Mail treating this story like a joke, though. Often they seem to report without skepticism and offer up every over-the-top story with drooling credulity. Like when the woman claimed she saw Jesus on a cliff wall, and when it looked like Jesus appeared in a field among other examples.

So, good job, Daily Mail, for the humourous blog fodder today.

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