Atheist Scruples: the swingers edition

I think that’s what it’s called, anyway.. I’m so unhip.

Your free-spirited mate wants you to participate in partner-switching with another couple you know. Do you agree to try the arrangement?

I’m flashing back to the days of internet chat and online dating attempts and some of the ludicrous requests I’d get from total strangers once they knew I was a woman. I really don’t want to join a threesome at 7:30 in the morning, block conversation…

It just ain’t my bag, baby…

I won’t judge couples that want to engage in swap meets, as it were, should people I know feel open enough to tell me that’s the kind of life they’re living. I just don’t think I’d be able to be that free and easy with my sexuality and gallivant with someone who was not my chosen partner, even for just one night. I’ve never been put in the position to know if I could, though, either. Of the few men I did date, none of them seemed to be people who’d engage in this and the Man, who I love dearly, thinks about this the same way I do. We’re both serial monogamists.

I’m completely pro polyamory, though. Hell. Whatever joy can be found in the world should be shared with as many loves as possible. The nice thing about polyamory set ups is that everyone’s on board and there’s no crippling jealousy to deal with or cruel sneaking around. Ultimately it’s the betrayal and secrecy and loss of trust that really wrecks relationships. I envy people who can make multiple partners work. Quoting from the Atlantic article just linked to:

Increasingly, polyamorous people—not to be confused with the prairie-dress-clad fundamentalist polygamists—are all around us. By some estimates, there are now roughly a half-million polyamorous relationships in the U.S., though underreporting is common. Some sex researchers put the number even higher, at 4 to 5 percent of all adults, or 10 to 12 million people. More often than not, they’re just office workers who find standard picket-fence partnerships dull.

And, from a practicality standpoint, not as economically viable. Wouldn’t a lot of people be better off with more sharing of expenses and child care? Three or four adults chipping in would make for something a little more secure than a single paycheque or one person trying to juggle two or more jobs to make ends meet.

Related: one film to look for called Hide and Seek, which recently won the top award at the Edinburgh film festival.

The jury, headed by Israeli director Amos Gitai, described Hide and Seek as “very innovative” and that “all those involved … we believe to be very talented”. The film, which stars Josh O’Connor and Hannah Arterton, is about a group of friends who set up a utopianist commune in an isolated rural environment and, according to the film-makers, are “seeking to challenge social conventions and their own tolerances by engaging in scheduled partner-swapping”.

Interested in trying a multiple partner experience and also a cruise? Topless Travel may still have room on their November tour of Haiti, Honduras and Mexico. They also have trips to Jamaica and Thailand. Prefer the locals? Check Meetup in your area, or start a group yourself if you have to. It’s unlikely you’ll be the only interested one.

So, there you go. Feel free to let me know how it goes, too…

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