Boo hoo.. no Jesus statue for Peru?

A crazy thing just happened! I was just thinking to myself, Self, it’s been a while since I wrote anything about Jesus statues so maybe my next topic search should be “Jesus statue news” to see if anything pops up.

I didn’t even have to do another search for there, one scrolling downward movement away, a great one appeared before my eyes. It’s a Flying Spaghetti Monster Miracle. Here it is:

Lima Mayor Susana Villaran says Garcia didn’t ask her before announcing on Friday his intention to have “Christ of the Pacific” put up for a June 29 inauguration. The statue will be 22 meters (72 feet) high and stand atop a 15-meter (49-foot) base.

Villaran has criticized its suitability and lack of originality — it resembles the famed Rio de Janeiro work.

That’s the problem? Not original enough? How weird, considering there seem to be only 2 ways people expect to see Christ portrayed, either hanging in agony on the cross, forsaken, or standing up with his arms reaching out toward heaven, promising salvation for all. And since everyone also expects him to be long haired and European, what’s a poor sculptor to do? Any deviation from those forms and it won’t be automatically recognized as the iconic Christ figure. They’ll never be able to pose him dressed like a member of their national football team or dancing the marinara, “with a sexy attitude of fun and flirting.” Although, either would be cool.

Sadly, the Mayor isn’t making a statement that Peru shouldn’t have one of these statues at all; she’d rather President Alan Garcia find another venue for the thing instead of the coast of her city, “such as along the nearly completed Interoceanic highway that will link Peruvian with Brazilian ports.”

And then maybe they could hang a billboard on him advertising some local attractions or something. Put him to some use beyond a photographic backdrop for tourists.

So here’s a question: What would Jesus advertise?

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