I’m stealing Billy Graham’s mail again

Only because I love this letter:

DEAR BILLY GRAHAM: I have a friend who believes that aliens built the pyramids and things like that and also brought religion into the world. Is there any evidence for this in the Bible? I admit my friend is different, and I’m not sure he’ll believe what you say, but I’d still be interested in your input. — L.C.

Awesome, L.C. I love your friend already. The quick answer would be yes: Ezekial’s funky flying machine at least fits the theory that aliens were visiting at some point, for whatever purpose. Of course, did Ezekial really exist? Did he really see what he claimed he saw, or were hallucinations involved? Oh, the fun that can be had wondering about that kind of thing. No wonder Erich von Daniken’s books were so popular.

Graham takes the official church-approved path, of course.

the Bible doesn’t support such an idea, nor is there any evidence for it in the Bible. Instead, the Bible clearly tells us that we aren’t dependent on some supposed outside source for our knowledge about God, because God has revealed himself to us, directly and openly.

I’d disagree on the direct and open approach. Although a lot of people in the bible appeared to chat with a booming voice or burning bush, humans today get little in the way of obvious “This is God Talking! Listen up!” kinds of clues that some Presence is around watching us pee.

It’s also worth noting that the bible is an outside source – being a thing written so long ago by so many people, and translated by so many more, that can be held outside one’s self and read for “accurate” information about the god they’ve built in their heads. Many people do seem dependent on whatever’s in that book to tell them that the god in their head is on the right track. And when they aren’t sure of the book, they seek out more people outside themselves, like Billy Graham, to offer up advice and reassurance.

How did he do this? He did it first of all by implanting something of himself within us, what we call our soul or spirit. Sin has obscured this, but down inside we still know God is real.

He uses the word “implanting” here, which is a word alien-lovers also use when talking about chips and abductions. Aliens implant devices for unknown purposes. For all we know, Billy Graham has one that forces him to spew silly shit about souls and spirits. Maybe Graham’s real god has three faces and tentacles long enough to ski down.

But God has shown himself to us most of all in Jesus Christ. Do you want to know what God is like? Look at Jesus Christ, and you’ll not only realize that God exists, but also that he loves us and sent his Son to die so we could be saved.

Yet it seems most of us are destined for hell anyway, if we really listen to what some Christians have to say, like the ones who wind up featured at Fundies Say the Darndest Things:

To God women wearing pants have the look of a whore and if they continuing therein will burn in hellfire. Some wear pants so tight their vagina separates and slices their buttocks in half for men to be tempted and turn from God laws of holiness.

From quote #61701.

Or how about #41926:

Do you want the children God has put into your life to trust in and love Jesus Christ? Then warn them often about hell. This vital doctrine is one that will drive children to the Savior, and therefore, one we would be foolish to avoid.

Or #41503

Unicorns are an ACTUAL creature that used to exist, but, are now extinct.
I don’t care if there is no archaelogical evidence to support the existence of the unicorns. The BIBLE says they existed!

And I don’t mean these modern, altered, man-made versions of the Bible, I mean the ORIGINAL King James Version, the ONLY version AUTHORIZED by GOD! If the KJV was good enough for Moses and Jesus, then it’s good enough for me!

If you don’t believe in unicorns, then you don’t believe in the Bible, and you are going to Hell!

I’m going to end with that one, because it’s full of win. Yeah, I’m sure Moses read the King James Bible all the time…

About 1minionsopinion

Canadian Atheist Basically ordinary Library employee Avid book lover Ditto for movies Wanna-be writer Procrastinator
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