Honesty Project – barely concealed resentment

Godlessgirl challenged bloggers to a week of truth-telling and while I haven’t managed seven consecutive days of honest (and personal) blogging, this is my sixth post in the series.

I don’t even know if resentment is the word for it. Maybe it’s envy, maybe it’s pity, and maybe I’m just kidding myself when I say I don’t care.

It has to do with money, beauty, and the reasons why women use money to buy the crap the current social construct of the world tells them they need in order to have decent self-esteem, decent looks, or a decent chance at sex tonight.

I’m not slim and judging by pictures recently taken, not at all good looking. My hair is nice, though. My teeth are mostly straight, but not pearly white. I have a crooked smile, but I like that about myself.

I don’t buy expensive clothes, jewelry, high-heeled toe-breakers, or much in the way of makeup. I rarely wear makeup. Jeans, t-shirt, sandals or runners, and a bit of mousse in my hair and I’m good to roll. I don’t really want to jump through all the hoops required to doll up in the morning. It’s just work around a bunch of married women anyway and it’s not a public area. Hell, even if I did work around the public, I still wouldn’t bother. I was born to be casual.

Or was I? Have I adopted this casual attitude to make myself feel better about the fact that I have no sense of style, no hope for dates and no friends I could turn to for a quickie? Is it really who I am, or am I unwilling to admit this is a defensive/coping mechanism?

Am I alone because I chose to be, or am I using my weight and my looks as a means of being pissed off at men for preferring the dolled up thin women?

Am I not in a relationship because I’m ugly or because I’m not relationship material?

About 1minionsopinion

Canadian Atheist Basically ordinary Library employee Avid book lover Ditto for movies Wanna-be writer Procrastinator
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6 Responses to Honesty Project – barely concealed resentment

  1. tmso says:

    Hey Minion,

    As much as you may feel it, you are not alone. Growing up, I was often thought to be a lesbian because I was/am exactly like you. The fact that I found someone (of the opposite sex!) that loved me for who I am and not what I put on was just dumb luck. You’ll find yours. 😉

  2. tmso says:

    Oh, not that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian! I mean, that sort of stuff just is. 😮

  3. dorian says:

    M, you just haven’t yet found your soul mate. or maybe you’re not looking. that’s alright too!

  4. 1minionsopinion says:

    I always hated that “maybe you’re not looking” thing. There’s also the old reverse, too; “it’ll happen when you’re not looking.” I look, I don’t look. I’ve actually forgotten the name of the guy I last had a major crush on..5 years ago. I just haven’t been overly interested in being interested in anyone. Maybe I pick wrong people when I do get interested…

  5. tmso says:

    Zen, Minion, zen. Be one with the universe.

    (Doesn’t that just grate? 😀 )

  6. dorian says:

    “wrong people” are always the most interesting.

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