The snake offering Eve temptation!

In my frying pan! Just now! It’s totally amazing! And since I’m hungry, I’m going to drizzle all the goodness that is syrup all over it and enjoy every bite of this breakfast!

(A real sign would have noodly appendages, by the way…)

I have to thank vorjack for the link to this. I never thought to check on how the bible burning party went.

It got rained out and they discovered there were state laws against burning paper anyway, plus protesters were on hand to give them second thoughts about trying to be so idiotic in public. They later videoed themselves cutting and ripping the books apart instead.

I wonder if they plan on recycling all that. Do some good with all that “evil” for a change.

Ever heard of those? It’s for people who have a hard time committing to following through on things. All those people that say “I’ll do it when I get around to it,” really ought to check out this site that sells round tuits, although I guess you’d have to get around to telling someone else to get it for you because you’d never get a round tuit on your own, would ya?

Even better is this history of tuits with beautiful medallions being offered.

What the hell am I even leading up to, you ask. Last year, way back around Giftsmastime, I was at home in Dial Up Land and found an interesting article I couldn’t write about at the time. Now I have the time and, what’s more, the inclination. It was all about a popular children’s rhyme and how it may have actually been a hate crime to be singing and acting it out. You read that right. Hokey Pokey could be a hate crime.

according to the Catholic Church and some Scottish politicians, singing the popular tune that begins with the words “You put your right hand in, your right hand out,” may constitute an act of religious hatred.

A spokesman for the leader of the church in Scotland said the song had disturbing origins.

Critics claim that Puritans composed the song in the 18th century in an attempt to mock the actions and language of priests leading the Latin mass.

Now politicians have urged police to arrest anyone using the song to “taunt” Catholics under legislation designed to prevent incitement to religious hatred.

I wonder how that went. Since I never heard of mass panic in playgrounds, I guess it went the way of the dodo.

Supporters of Rangers FC have been banned from singing anti-Catholic songs at Ibrox stadium to taunt their rivals Celtic, a club with Catholic roots.

But fans of the club are said to be discussing on internet forums the possibility of getting round the ban by singing the Hokey Cokey at next week’s Old Firm derby between the clubs.

Peter Kearney, a spokesman for Cardinal Keith O’Brien, said:

“This song does have quite disturbing origins. Although apparently innocuous, it was devised as an attack on and a parody of the Catholic mass.

Or it’s about cheap and inferior ice cream and a song invented in 1942.

“If there are moves to restore its more malevolent meaning then consideration should perhaps be given to its wider use.”

According to the church, the song’s title derives from the words “hocus pocus”.

That idea has made the rounds, but Wiki credits Canadian soldiers in WWII for providing Jimmy Kennedy with the inspiration for what later became his Hokey Cokey hit.

Jimmy Kennedy Jr. quoted his father’s writing:

“They were having a hilarious time, singing and playing games, one of which they said was a Canadian children’s game called The Cokey Cokey. I thought to myself, wouldn’t that be fun as a dance to cheer people up! So when I got back to my hotel, I wrote a chorus based on the feet and hand movements the Canadians had used, with a few adaptations. A few days later, I wrote additional lyrics to it but kept the title, Cokey Cokey, and, as everybody knows, it became a big hit.”

According to Kennedy Jr., his father told him “the unusual title was to do with drugs [cocaine] taken by the miners in Canada to cheer themselves up in the harsh environment where they were prospecting.”

That’s even better than 17th century Puritans. It took some hunting to find the National Post’s response to this business, but it’s unclear if they’re reporting on what Wiki has, or if they’re Wiki’s source. Around and around, eh? I can’t find any sites explaining how many prospectors O.D.’d before scurvy got them or anything, but hey. It’s still one hell of a story.

People would rather take offense than do research first. A hoax is just good enough to be believed by one person who tells a few others and soon it’s as real is lemon sorbet. Mmm..sorbet…

I found one via Triangulations I hadn’t heard of: O.C.E.A.N so obviously I had to give it a shot. I’m sure I answered honestly, but still was bummed over results.

And I admit right now I altered the colour of this to be a lot more sunny than the original pea soup colour existing on site.

So, to define my results:

Openness to Experience/Intellect: High scorers tend to be original, creative, curious, complex; Low scorers tend to be conventional, down to earth, narrow interests, uncreative.

You typically don’t seek out new experiences. (Your percentile: 59)

Well, I’m working on that at least. That’s part of what the whole Freethinkers thing is about. Get out, do something different and meet new people for a change. My rut is so deep I can barely see over it.

Conscientiousness: High scorers tend to be reliable, well-organized, self-disciplined, careful; Low scorers tend to be disorganized, undependable, negligent.

You tend to do things somewhat haphazardly. (Your percentile: 35)

Yeah, I’ll buy that. I’d prove it with photos of my level of apartment cleanliness but why embarrass myself. I think it comes down to priorities and I don’t see housecleaning as one of them. I could take a lot more care with the stickers I put on books at work and measure just so and carefully apply tape but I have so much to do it’d be a waste of my day to be that focused on identical tape strips and level application. I need to be quick, efficient, and accurate but perfectionism is not required. I don’t tend to be negligent or late, though. And if I say I’ll do something, I’ll follow through.

Extraversion: High scorers tend to be sociable, friendly, fun loving, talkative; Low scorers tend to be introverted, reserved, inhibited, quiet.

You tend to shy away from social situations. (Your percentile: 27)

And again, I’m working on it. I do spend too much time alone. Growing up most of my social stuff was with family and cousins will put up with a lot more weirdness than kids at school might. And I was a weird bird back then and shy about getting mocked by people whose opinions “mattered” to me in some way. Silly now. I should have just done what I liked instead of worrying about how much I’d be teased over the actors I liked (i.e. Wil Wheaton) or shows I watched (Fraggle Rock).

Agreeableness: High scorers tend to be good natured, sympathetic, forgiving, courteous; Low scorers tend to be critical, rude, harsh, callous.

You find it easy to express irritation with others. (Your percentile: 38)

This is the one that bugs me, but more because it’s true, I suppose. But I am good natured and courteous and I do have sympathy and some capacity of forgiveness. Just not enough, apparently. I can also choose to look at this as a good trait, at least in terms of not being willing to take shit from people and call it jam. If I’m bothered, there might be a real reason for it. It won’t be an overreaction every single time. Not by a long shot. And not every thing that happens in a day is going to cause me irritation. I’d get nothing accomplished if I groused about everything to everyone. Some things aren’t worth making a case over and can be dropped without a feather out of place.

Neuroticism: High scorers tend to be nervous, high-strung, insecure, worrying; Low scorers tend to be calm, relaxed, secure, hardy.

You are generally relaxed. (Your percentile: 37)

In this case a low score seems to be good. Awesome. It ties into the previous a bit, too. I could freak out over all the unknowns and unlikes and unappreciateds but why? It doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t make anything better. All it does is eat up time better spent working and it ruins the time I set aside for fun.

Someone else do this test and let me know how it goes. Is it accurate, or do you feel it misrepresents what or who you are? How does it relate to any other tests you’ve tried? I don’t remember what I scored last time I played with the Myers-Briggs. INFJ, ISTP? I’ve been both at different times of my life. Maybe now I’d get something else. Thoughts?

Guess what I spotted today: my blog featured on the atheist tag page. Oh, yes, I bless His Noodly Appendage for snagging my blog in his most tenderest of Noodles and resting me upon the wordpress like a treasured meatball. Oh, I must sacrifice tomatoes to his greatness tonight. I must!

And yes I hit Print Screen and saved that image. Skeptics always demand proof eh?

Ramen! Ramen!

(k, done. A little humility also goes a long way…)

Nathan Fillion sure has a lot of followers. Anyway, I love his bio:

It costs nothing to say something kind. Even less to shut up altogether.

Good advice, Sir. Good advice.

Is this for real? Do people really think this way? Until I’m informed of the reality of this site, have a few laughs anyway. It’s a helluva good time.

Start with the bit where emo spirits cause men to have bad hair and buy communist products. Who knew? What’s communist about iTunes? I have to pay for every song. I thought under communism all kinds of shit would be free. Stupid commie bastards who ruined the utopia Marx dreamed of…

If you want to own a cat, you may as well worship Bast, too and then go straight to hell, do not pass Go (but do pass the lint brush. Cat hairs! Evil cat hairs!) On behalf of cats everywhere, I’m offended.

Friendly Atheist gets a finger shaken at him for mentioning the Virgin Mary and a condom in the same piece. Because it IS the same piece:

I wish this were still the days of the Spanish Inquisition, because I would mount my horse and lead the charge to slowly burn all these filth atheist witches at the pyre! There is nothing moral or right about disparaging the mother of our Lord and Savior!

I hope and pray God gives them just punishment for this, it’s so far over the line of wrong. May God strike down their fornicated secret parts with emerods and then let their souls stoke the fires of hell!

Feel the love. I love being loved. Whoever got to be loved with that Virgin Mary condom was very loved indeed. I also love how it says “emerods” instead of hemorrhoids, too. It’s obviously a writer more familiar with King James’ version. Haven’t seen much evidence of smiting yet. God can’t even smite down my fruit flies. Not that I’ve asked him to – I’m an atheist with a soapy water spray bottle. I can deal with them myself.

Apparently there’s a group around that’s given up masturbation for Jesus. I shouldn’t wonder why. You’ve seen how Jesus is hung, right? (Dude’s in need of a dress up party, too. Open this in a new window or tab for later. Don’t leave here yet. There are more LOLs! )

I’ve actually heard of the Conservative Bible Project before. I thought it was a joke. Is it, or isn’t it? Maybe it’s being treated like a joke by people who think it ought to be, but isn’t by the people who are seriously demented into thinking there needs to be yet another bizarrely translated bible. I wouldn’t mind having a copy of the The Buggre Alle This Bible, but that one doesn’t actually exist, sadly.

And it seems the Devil is using Britney Spears to make men get erections. Surely the Devil knows of other women who’d do a better job. What about the Not Safe for Work Show starring the delightful Ms. Prejean?

Their other examples of misogyny are so darn cute, too:

God surely meant to make a point when he plucked Eve right out of Adam. Women are our companions but they just are not capable of being man’s equal. They aren’t as strong and fast, lacking man’s mental prowess too. So it’s every time I find a funny video like this I only post them out of love for the humor God intended women to provide his sons… I just love our lesser species of women folk.

If women are bad, what must they have to say about the weather? Lightning, and fires and more proof that God must love the smell of flaming homos in the morning.

The gay-pride city of San Benardino, California, burns to the ground for supporting the homosexually gay agenda. Glory!

For far too long California has tested the laws of morality with their rotten liberal politicians, support for atheism and the foul-smelling gays.

Now they are being cleansed with a holy fire as forewarned by prophesy!

Friends, look at the signs of the times. There are tempests that plague dark chocolate cities with great floods! Earthquakes shake the very foundations of cities that are shrines unto Sodom and Gomorrah!

The sin-soaked state of California has been primed with the foul fecal juices of homosexuality and now it is no surprise it burns to the ground with fire!

Woe to all ye sacrilege sinners! Hark, take heed unto my divinely inspired words!

Satan loves a cheerful sinner and not even the greatest flood on Earth can quench the eternal fires of hell that will roast and singe the flesh of those who defy what is right!

Nature is natural and there is nothing less natural than those who protest the Christian heritage of our American Republic! Let us cheer as sinners are purged by the great fires and pray that from the ash arises a new chapparal of holiness and morality!

As usual, I bold the bits I like best.

Am I done with this? Almost. This is kind of like watching Fear Factor or something, right? OMNeG (Oh My Non-existent God)! What link will she click on next!! Quick! Get the brain bleach, son! It’s gonna be a synapse-singeing doozy!

Last one is about preps in the works for the National Day of Outrage Against Atheists on November 31st.

Atheist people love to oppress others. (right, this is why we complain so much about gay rights and human rights in general) Hi, I’m Bishop Trotter. On each and every continent, they have repeatedly scavenged all land, resources and supplies their callous hands could pillage and exploit. (I wonder what he has in mind here. Since when have atheists been a large enough group to have that kind of power?) That trend continues to this very day, but in oh so much subtle and secret fashion. It’s no coincidence that most atheists tend to be white. (I think it is. I like to think atheism is a mindset available to anyone who comes to it by choice.)

That’s why this year we are having a National Day of Outrage. It is a day to celebrate how outraged we are about atheist social injustice, a day to protest how atheists try to ban Christmas plays that have a black Jesus! (source? Citation needed, Mister Bishop Sir.)

Such racism is ugly and foul! It is the ugly leftovers of a society that used to feast on discrimination and oppression! (And you don’t think your behaviour towards atheists is not also encouraging discrimination and oppression of our credo to continue?)

This November we will gather together in love and unity to angrily (Irony much?) march against this new oppression. We WILL march against atheism. We WILL march to let atheist’s know they will NOT ban Jesus, Joseph and Mary this Christmas because deep down, they know they are brown! (Well duh.)

Can I get a witness? (To your hatred? Here I am!)

These underhanded version of underhanded Jim Cow oppression will be overhanded and weeded out of our land! (Just keep telling yourself that. And “overhanded” is not the opposite of underhanded, Mr. Bishop Smarty Man. It’s not even a word. This must have been the point where his brain exploded because there’s no writing past this point, sensible or otherwise.)

The reason I quote so much is so that you the reader have no reason to click those links and add points to their stats. But, feel free to click if it means they get to find out I’m here, one of those outrageous atheists who wants to mock everything they apparently stand for, because it’s ludicrous and wrong and nasty and cruel and vindictive and wrong. Wrong. These are hideous people. Anyone who’d write this kind of garbage cannot be a person worth knowing. Sorry. Can’t be. Not someone I’d want to know. Not even if I had a million years to evolve into something that can better understand this mentality.

Plus, I haven’t found anything anywhere about atheists poo-pooing nativity scenes specifically because a black baby Jesus is in the manger. We don’t care if people want to have nativity scenes at home or church. It’s when public areas are taken over by religious displays that we start to grouse. It’s not fair if only one group mindset gets to express itself when none of the others can without serious hardcore petitioning that will likely get turned down anyway. That’s not a fair system. It’s a discriminatory, oppressive system designed to elevate one group’s status in society higher than the rest and that’s something everyone should be willing to protest against.

Maybe atheists will need to arrange a counter protest for that day? A real love and unity festival of Virgin Mary condom love with happy gay people and a few furries (meow?) mixed in or something. May as well make a day of it, eh? It’d be way more fun than theirs…

But not tired enough to stop thinking about how to rescue these idiotic Vikings. I’m hooked on another little game here. This one is called Ice Breaker and you have to slice the ice and ropes in just such a way as to make sure the little Viking dudes make it into their ship.

See, there are little pins in the ice in this level and no matter where I cut, I launch my little vikings right into the water. And the viking on the boat just sits there, waiting until I figure out the fucking level so everyone can jump around making Ohh noises like the best orgasms they’ve ever had. Yeah, I want the Ooh, too, guys. At least it’s not timed. I can take all night to figure it out and they won’t get bored of me. I love these little guys…

But considering the crap people will leave around the internet, this would totally be some decent payback. Better than old high school yearbooks, even.

But I can think of a few recipes I’ve come across that belong in this book, and on this site. My mother is known for some marshmallow confetti thing that requires a whole jar of peanut butter, a whole bag of caramel chips, and a whole bag of baby marshmallows to be heated up and swirled together into rock solid rich sweetness. It’s hard core. I can handle one little piece about an inch square and then I’m good for at least a year.

I think I should put a request in for the library to buy this book…