A friend and I keep thinking we should have a Christian movie night

May 4, 2012

We never wind up arranging one because, as you know, there are so many better things to do than watch craptacular pro-god propaganda pieces. Watch paint dry, pick dead skin off elbows…

Harmless is a mockumentary about a box of possessed porn.

(via io9)

I’ll confess I never actually got through the trailer. It has an amateurish feel with wooden dialogue (and stupid “plot”) and did not grip me in the slightest. I don’t think we would want to torture ourselves by sitting through the full version.


Another final resting place for Jesus found: in a tortilla

March 2, 2012

Yep. I believe this is true more than I believe the tomb story written about earlier.

David Sandoval says he was about to chow down on Ash Wednesday dinner last week when he saw Jesus in one of his mom’s hand-baked tortillas.

“I passed it to my mom, and she said, ‘oh my god,’” said Sandoval.

What made the find even more astonishing was that it was the first day of Lent.

He went and posted the picture on Facebook, and comments started flooding in.

“Everybody has been able to see it. They agree, and they’re calling it a miracle.”

Yes, of course they would. Astonishing.

Hardly.

I’ve showed off my french toast Gandalf before. If this tortilla somehow proves Jesus was real, my french toast proves Gandalf was real. Praise J.R.R. Tolkien for revealing the truth!


Poetry break

February 12, 2012

I came up with four little ones related to the seasons that I thought I’d post. They’re nothing special but I had fun thinking them up.

Splashing
puddled
rain
in
grass

Season’s
ulterior
motive:
make
everyone
red

Apples
under
trees
understand
mister
newton

Wind
is
needing
to
enter
rear

See what I did there? I think the autumn one is my favourite.


Would you consider this a pro-creationist dinosaur game?

February 11, 2012

I would. (edit Feb 12/2012 laugh and a half: read the first comment.) Regular readers know I never do game reviews but I felt like remarking on this one. The game’s called Dino Panic and it’s from GodSeeD Studios, a company so new it hasn’t got much of a website yet nor does it have many Facebook followers. 82 at the time of writing. There they advertise themselves as, “GodSeeD Studios.Delivering Godlike fun web gaming experience!” (edit Feb 12: this is no longer accurate) Well, grammar is hard for some and fun is relative, but I thought I’d try playing it anyway. It’s hosted on a number of sites but I originally found it via OneMoreLevel.com, my work day getaway.

From the get go, I can see what I’m in for: a game misrepresenting history and science. Flintstones aside, humans and dinosaur did not co-exist. Dinosaurs kicked it over 65 million years ago and the first hominids appeared at least 20 million years later. Already reading too much into it? Yes and no. It depends on what kind of history lessons the kids get beyond the game. Are they destined to grow up believing people had dinosaurs for pets? Do their parents believe that? But anyway, the fun begins.

We’re introduced to the characters through a series of storytelling panels. A “red dragon” has killed the man who was supposed to marry a woman from a neighbouring tribe and now it’s up to our hero Barog to finish the ritual and keep his people from going extinct. What a responsibility to throw on someone’s shoulders. It’s all up to you boy… Barog is given the task of finding the wedding gift the groom dropped where he died, a stone necklace. The game itself starts once Barog has that ritual relic and bumps into the dinosaur that will chase him for the duration of play. As for other obstacles to avoid, our hero must leap over rocks, logs, tar pits, other pits and also slide under floating rocks. Why? I check the tutorial:

Things don’t have to make sense here, clearly. Lodestones are naturally occurring magnetized minerals, but as far as I know, they don’t defy gravity with their existence. They aren’t magical nor proof of God’s existence. (Other theory: that line’s merely a reference to Insane Clown Posse) Barog is controlled with the keyboard and to add another level of difficulty (or to give one’s little sibling a role to play in this?) Barog’s pet pteranodon is also maneuverable by mouse. Fly him around the game screen to collect the floating gems. Not being a skilled gamer, I found myself ignoring Tora Pteranodon’s position on screen.

It’s not like he’s flying into anything that will damage him, whereas Barog faces possible doom every few seconds. Tar slows him down and everything else makes him trip or fall to his death. Tora can carry him if you time the jump right and hold the left mouse key down. This becomes an important skill to master once the game gets further along and Barog can’t leap pits in a single bound anymore. That’s as far as I got. When it comes to multitasking, some of us are shittier than others.

It’s a beautiful looking game, though. The cartoon quality of it is very nice and pretty to look at. No expense spared as far as that goes. I guess play would get easier with more practice, too.

Honestly, I find myself craving a less sophisticated, yet more “realistic” game experience, available in the form of Dino Run. The giant asteroid has broken up in the atmosphere (presumably) and burning chunks of rocky death are landing everywhere. It’s up to you to help the little dinosaur escape the fate of his brethren.

Fail

Delayed fail

Run like hell. Leap over slower dinos, duck into caverns. Hitch rides with pterodons, grab your energy snacks and save as many eggs as you can. If you survive from level to level your egg collecting and snack eating earn you points that can be used to boost your speed and other abilities. I’m not sure how many times I failed before I discovered that. And then I failed again and had to start over with a new little dino to save… Poor little dinos…


From the amusing news pile

January 24, 2012

A Florida teenager who called 911 last week asked police to place her in a Christian children’s shelter because she “heard her mother having sex.”

Why? She felt “disrespected” by it.

The mother explained to police that she had invited her boyfriend over and “sometime during the visit, her daughter heard them having sex and became upset.” The woman added that “their bedrooms are next to each other and she didn’t intend to wake her daughter up.”

After speaking with a representative from the shelter, the teen decided that she did not want to leave her home because “it was almost time for school.”

The family admitted no sexual abuse was going on in the household but I gather that for a 15 year old, hearing one’s mother have sex might almost count as psychological abuse. Nobody wants to picture their parents’ sex life…


Old news: kids suspended for Tebowing during school hours

January 23, 2012

Tebowing, if a definition is needed, is the practice of behaving the way Tim Tebow does when he prays during his Denver Bronco football games, obvious and down on one knee as if being watched by an audience is the most important part of the prayer. It’s the new planking, and just as ridiculous. People take pictures of other people doing it. It’s light mockery and meant to be for fun. There are so many other things a person could do for fun, but whatever. The story:

Two Riverhead High School football players were suspended for a day because the school said they created a potentially dangerous situation by leading other students in a re-enactment of NFL quarterback Tim Tebow’s kneeling in prayer.

School officials said an estimated 40 students had gathered in the hallway this week to make the gesture

The principal, David Wicks, made the argument that in a school with 1500 kids, having 40 taking up space in a hallway (for what’s essentially a pointless endeavor at that) could constitute a safety hazard. If a smoke alarm had gone off and people needed to vacate in a hurry, there could have been injuries. It also made some kids late for class and had the potential to create aggressive situations.

According to their dad, the brothers who were suspended apparently weren’t told by anyone official at the school to stop the display. Superintendent Nancy Carney, on the other hand, said that the pair were insubordinate and “had been warned not to do it anymore” which makes it sound like this wasn’t the first time they got their friends together for a performance. I guess fairness could be debated. They do ask a good question – why were they penalized when the rest of their classmates got away with it? But, if they were the ringleaders, then maybe without them egging kids on, maybe nobody else would have come up with the idea and gone through with it during school hours. Out on the football field or in the yard, do whatever silly thing you want to do. In a hallway, just use it to get to class.


Virgin Mary? I think it looks like the aura around a…

January 11, 2012

penis actually. But check out the picture yourself and see what you think.

According to the article:

An Ybor City restaurant’s name has taken on a new meaning after some say the image of the Virgin Mary appeared on one of its walls.

The restaurant is Hamburger Mary’s and the image first got attention over the weekend after some customers noted its appearance on a stainless steel plate on the wall near the kitchen.

“From certain angles it does look like the Virgin Mary,” says acting manager Melanie Todd. “I never have noticed it myself, before [this weekend].”

This isn’t the first time the Blessed Virgin has appeared on an inanimate object in Tampa Bay. For several years an image said to be her adorned the glass windows of a Clearwater office building. Vandals destroyed the several of the windows in 2004.

Todd says the image at the restaurant — known for its gay karaoke and drag queen bingo nights — reminds her of that earlier appearance in Clearwater. “Everybody is curious to see it,” she says. “It’s a true image, it really is.”

A true image insofar as the pattern is truly there on the wall, not a photograph doctored after the fact. But truly the Virgin Mary? Poppycock.


Okay, so it isn’t always Jesus in the trees

November 18, 2011

Sometimes it’s Bert, from Sesame Street.

Awesome.


A holiday in Dial Up Land

November 10, 2011

What more could 1minion want?
A million dollars and a night on the town
and more fun than one human can stand!

Failing that, at least relaxation.
And family comes with perks and delights
Plus the weather report looks to be gorgeous
and I can’t forget Hoarders, (but can station).


The promises the pro misses

November 8, 2011

Pro? Ha ha.. this here’s strictly amateur hour, but you already knew that.

I’d mentioned a while back that I had a copy of Believing Bullshit kicking around I’d been intending to write about. Apologies to Stephen Law, the author, but I just couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’ll try again sometime, maybe not. I also had a copy of Richard Wiseman’s book, Paranormality, to read but I had to return it to the library before I got a chance to flip through it much. I’ve put another request on it so I should have a copy again soon. I do want to get that one read.

Much easier to keep this promise, though. Last night the Man and I wound up talking about roles Vincent Price had taken on and he suggested I look up this one. Holy stereotypes, Batman!

You can check out parts 1 and 3 if you want them. The main reason I picked this section was for the GHOTI part. I had no idea that silly language trick came out of that show.


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