“Why are you in jail?” “I posed for a picture with Jesus…”

September 12, 2014

“… and made it look like oral sex.”

It’s totally immature, but is it worth criminalizing him for it?

A Pennsylvania teenager is facing criminal charges after posting pictures to Facebook of him simulating a sex act with a statue of Jesus.

The young man posted that he took the pictures in late July at the statue of a kneeling Jesus in front of the “Love in the Name of Christ” Christian organization in his hometown of Everett.

The criminal charge, which will be heard in family court, consists of “Desecration of a Venerated Object.”

Pennsylvania law defines desecration as “Defacing, damaging, polluting or otherwise, physically mistreating in a way that the actor knows will outrage the sensibilities of persons likely to observe or discover the action.”

The teen, whose name has not been released, could face up to two years in a juvenile jail if convicted.

Sigh.

JT Eberhard at Patheos looked up the penalties for vandalism in Pennsylvania and this is over the top.

a 14 year-old does something stupid that causes literally zero property damage and he could face two years in juvenile jail because it’s a “venerated object”? That’s insane. That’s really ludicrous.

If he had spray-painted the statue, I’d be all for charging him. If he had done any damage, he should be punished in accordance with the damage done. Hell, I even think a slap on the wrist for trespassing could be appropriate. But fucking with a kid’s life for being immature at an age when pretty much everybody is immature is petty, vindictive bullshit. This law about venerated objects needs to be challenged and unmade, and I hope this case can be a vehicle for that.

Hopes going on here, too. This is clearly brought about by hurt feelings and easily offended locals who just don’t see it as funny. I see it as funny. I think the picture is one of the funnier things I’ve seen lately, and I’ve scrolled through the pictures of Satan with an erection. All of them I could find.

As an update to my previous post about that, apparently there’s a petition up now to ask for the statue to be put up again.

The petition, called ‘Bring the Giant Satan-With-An-Erection Statue Back to East Vancouver‘, has more than 1,000 signatures already. It was created by Darryl Greer and mentions that if the city can install a statue of a porcelain dog on Main Street with a price tag of almost $100,000, it can install a statue of Satan with no cost to taxpayers.

Although the poodle has admitted it is jealous of the statue

Click the link to read the amusing Twitter quip made on the fake dog’s behalf.

Posing with statues is something people do and get their pictures taken doing it. If they can make it somehow sexually suggestive, they will. It’s fun for all ages, too.

Not the original point of the art when put out in the world to see, but people are innovative and funny like that. These days it seems everyone has a camera and it seems everyone has access to quick internet uploading of the pictures they take whether they’re quality shots or absolute crap.

I say sorry that the boy picked your Jesus statue to pose with but it was at just the right height for his pubic public stunt to work. Had it not been there, he couldn’t have done it.

And let us all give thanks to the Flying Spaghetti Monster above for the fact that he kept his clothes on. Other might not have, like this man who stripped and climbed onto the head of the Duke of Cambridge and this woman who recently gave a naked hug to Nelson Mandela.


A friend and I keep thinking we should have a Christian movie night

May 4, 2012

We never wind up arranging one because, as you know, there are so many better things to do than watch craptacular pro-god propaganda pieces. Watch paint dry, pick dead skin off elbows…

Harmless is a mockumentary about a box of possessed porn.

(via io9)

I’ll confess I never actually got through the trailer. It has an amateurish feel with wooden dialogue (and stupid “plot”) and did not grip me in the slightest. I don’t think we would want to torture ourselves by sitting through the full version.


Another final resting place for Jesus found: in a tortilla

March 2, 2012

Yep. I believe this is true more than I believe the tomb story written about earlier.

David Sandoval says he was about to chow down on Ash Wednesday dinner last week when he saw Jesus in one of his mom’s hand-baked tortillas.

“I passed it to my mom, and she said, ‘oh my god,’” said Sandoval.

What made the find even more astonishing was that it was the first day of Lent.

He went and posted the picture on Facebook, and comments started flooding in.

“Everybody has been able to see it. They agree, and they’re calling it a miracle.”

Yes, of course they would. Astonishing.

Hardly.

I’ve showed off my french toast Gandalf before. If this tortilla somehow proves Jesus was real, my french toast proves Gandalf was real. Praise J.R.R. Tolkien for revealing the truth!


Poetry break

February 12, 2012

I came up with four little ones related to the seasons that I thought I’d post. They’re nothing special but I had fun thinking them up.

Splashing
puddled
rain
in
grass

Season’s
ulterior
motive:
make
everyone
red

Apples
under
trees
understand
mister
newton

Wind
is
needing
to
enter
rear

See what I did there? I think the autumn one is my favourite.


Would you consider this a pro-creationist dinosaur game?

February 11, 2012

I would. (edit Feb 12/2012 laugh and a half: read the first comment.) Regular readers know I never do game reviews but I felt like remarking on this one. The game’s called Dino Panic and it’s from GodSeeD Studios, a company so new it hasn’t got much of a website yet nor does it have many Facebook followers. 82 at the time of writing. There they advertise themselves as, “GodSeeD Studios.Delivering Godlike fun web gaming experience!” (edit Feb 12: this is no longer accurate) Well, grammar is hard for some and fun is relative, but I thought I’d try playing it anyway. It’s hosted on a number of sites but I originally found it via OneMoreLevel.com, my work day getaway.

From the get go, I can see what I’m in for: a game misrepresenting history and science. Flintstones aside, humans and dinosaur did not co-exist. Dinosaurs kicked it over 65 million years ago and the first hominids appeared at least 20 million years later. Already reading too much into it? Yes and no. It depends on what kind of history lessons the kids get beyond the game. Are they destined to grow up believing people had dinosaurs for pets? Do their parents believe that? But anyway, the fun begins.

We’re introduced to the characters through a series of storytelling panels. A “red dragon” has killed the man who was supposed to marry a woman from a neighbouring tribe and now it’s up to our hero Barog to finish the ritual and keep his people from going extinct. What a responsibility to throw on someone’s shoulders. It’s all up to you boy… Barog is given the task of finding the wedding gift the groom dropped where he died, a stone necklace. The game itself starts once Barog has that ritual relic and bumps into the dinosaur that will chase him for the duration of play. As for other obstacles to avoid, our hero must leap over rocks, logs, tar pits, other pits and also slide under floating rocks. Why? I check the tutorial:

Things don’t have to make sense here, clearly. Lodestones are naturally occurring magnetized minerals, but as far as I know, they don’t defy gravity with their existence. They aren’t magical nor proof of God’s existence. (Other theory: that line’s merely a reference to Insane Clown Posse) Barog is controlled with the keyboard and to add another level of difficulty (or to give one’s little sibling a role to play in this?) Barog’s pet pteranodon is also maneuverable by mouse. Fly him around the game screen to collect the floating gems. Not being a skilled gamer, I found myself ignoring Tora Pteranodon’s position on screen.

It’s not like he’s flying into anything that will damage him, whereas Barog faces possible doom every few seconds. Tar slows him down and everything else makes him trip or fall to his death. Tora can carry him if you time the jump right and hold the left mouse key down. This becomes an important skill to master once the game gets further along and Barog can’t leap pits in a single bound anymore. That’s as far as I got. When it comes to multitasking, some of us are shittier than others.

It’s a beautiful looking game, though. The cartoon quality of it is very nice and pretty to look at. No expense spared as far as that goes. I guess play would get easier with more practice, too.

Honestly, I find myself craving a less sophisticated, yet more “realistic” game experience, available in the form of Dino Run. The giant asteroid has broken up in the atmosphere (presumably) and burning chunks of rocky death are landing everywhere. It’s up to you to help the little dinosaur escape the fate of his brethren.

Fail

Delayed fail

Run like hell. Leap over slower dinos, duck into caverns. Hitch rides with pterodons, grab your energy snacks and save as many eggs as you can. If you survive from level to level your egg collecting and snack eating earn you points that can be used to boost your speed and other abilities. I’m not sure how many times I failed before I discovered that. And then I failed again and had to start over with a new little dino to save… Poor little dinos…


From the amusing news pile

January 24, 2012

A Florida teenager who called 911 last week asked police to place her in a Christian children’s shelter because she “heard her mother having sex.”

Why? She felt “disrespected” by it.

The mother explained to police that she had invited her boyfriend over and “sometime during the visit, her daughter heard them having sex and became upset.” The woman added that “their bedrooms are next to each other and she didn’t intend to wake her daughter up.”

After speaking with a representative from the shelter, the teen decided that she did not want to leave her home because “it was almost time for school.”

The family admitted no sexual abuse was going on in the household but I gather that for a 15 year old, hearing one’s mother have sex might almost count as psychological abuse. Nobody wants to picture their parents’ sex life…


Old news: kids suspended for Tebowing during school hours

January 23, 2012

Tebowing, if a definition is needed, is the practice of behaving the way Tim Tebow does when he prays during his Denver Bronco football games, obvious and down on one knee as if being watched by an audience is the most important part of the prayer. It’s the new planking, and just as ridiculous. People take pictures of other people doing it. It’s light mockery and meant to be for fun. There are so many other things a person could do for fun, but whatever. The story:

Two Riverhead High School football players were suspended for a day because the school said they created a potentially dangerous situation by leading other students in a re-enactment of NFL quarterback Tim Tebow’s kneeling in prayer.

School officials said an estimated 40 students had gathered in the hallway this week to make the gesture

The principal, David Wicks, made the argument that in a school with 1500 kids, having 40 taking up space in a hallway (for what’s essentially a pointless endeavor at that) could constitute a safety hazard. If a smoke alarm had gone off and people needed to vacate in a hurry, there could have been injuries. It also made some kids late for class and had the potential to create aggressive situations.

According to their dad, the brothers who were suspended apparently weren’t told by anyone official at the school to stop the display. Superintendent Nancy Carney, on the other hand, said that the pair were insubordinate and “had been warned not to do it anymore” which makes it sound like this wasn’t the first time they got their friends together for a performance. I guess fairness could be debated. They do ask a good question – why were they penalized when the rest of their classmates got away with it? But, if they were the ringleaders, then maybe without them egging kids on, maybe nobody else would have come up with the idea and gone through with it during school hours. Out on the football field or in the yard, do whatever silly thing you want to do. In a hallway, just use it to get to class.


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