Cash for grades? Whose crazy idea was that?

November 13, 2009

I’ll swap you two Cs for an A…

Not quite. Apparently it was a fund-raising scheme that backfired.

A $20 donation to Rosewood Middle School would have gotten a student 20 test points – 10 extra points on two tests of the student’s choosing. That could raise a B to an A, or a failing grade to a D.

Susie Shepherd, the principal, said a parent advisory council came up with the idea, and she endorsed it. She said the council was looking for a new way to raise money.

“Last year they did chocolates, and it didn’t generate anything,” Shepherd said.

Shepherd rejected the suggestion that the school is selling grades. Extra points on two tests won’t make a difference in a student’s final grade, she said.

But it does sell the idea that fake intelligence can be bought by people rich enough to afford it. Cripes, I’m glad this idea fell through. Kids are dumb enough as it is without parents paying schools to add bonus points to test results. Like that changes the fact that your kid has no idea where the Mississippi river is, or who was the first President or whatever fact got missed on the test in the first place. Good grief.

Carmen Zepp, a Raleigh parent, said there should be policies against offering students test credit for anything other than what they’ve learned.

Zepp objected this year when her daughter’s social studies teacher at Knightdale High School had students bring to school tissues and hand sanitizer. The supplies counted for 25 percent of a “supply check” grade.

“It’s awful,” Zepp said. “It’s indicative of the fact that our schools don’t have enough money. They can’t get tissues or hand sanitizer or whatever without bribery. And that’s pretty sad.”

Shepherd, the Rosewood principal, said her school needs more technology. She said any money raised would help buy digital cameras for the school’s computer lab and a high-tech blackboard.

What happened to low tech whiteboards, overhead projectors and handwriting skills? Surely most kids can get the tech at home anyway. Interesting note about tissues and sanitizer though. I recall in school we had tissue on our list of things to buy but we didn’t get graded on whether or not we actually brought the stuff to school. What a weird arrangement.

So, if money isn’t going into schools for supplies and necessary technical advancements (can’t say everything they want falls under “necessary”), where is it going?


Why conclude the obvious when you can blame time traveling birds?

November 12, 2009

It’s been just over a month since I wrote about the attack of the clever raven, but now via Brother Richard I discover a bird may have caused a malfunction in the Hadron Collider recently.

While it’s humbling enough for most researchers to remember that one little bird can threaten millions of dollars worth of equipment, others are not so sure it’s a random accident. Time Magazine reports that a bird’s dropped dinner overheated some of the mechanisms, but rather than blame gravity, a couple physicists are actually claiming the bird may have been sent back in time for a mission it may or may not have completed.

Seriously.

two esteemed physicists have formulated a theory that suggests an alternative explanation: perhaps a time-traveling bird was sent from the future to sabotage the experiment. Bech Nielsen of the Niels Bohr Institute in Copenhagen and Masao Ninomiya of the Yukawa Institute for Theoretical Physics in Kyoto, Japan, have published several papers over the past year arguing that the CERN experiment may be the latest in a series of physics research projects whose purposes are so unacceptable to the universe that they are doomed to fail, subverted by the future.

Never mind the paradox problems inherent in that…yeesh.


Pop culture vultures

November 11, 2009

If the entertainment world was a billiards table and every pop culture reference were a stripe or solid sitting on it, I’d be the cue ball that careens around the table yet drops into the dark corner pocket of cluelessness without ever knowing what I missed.

That’s not an entirely accurate analogy, but it’s close enough. I see movies (eventually), I watch some television (albeit a season or seven behind everyone else), and I have the internet. I’m never totally unaware of what’s popular in any given moment, but it might require a very annoying internet meme to be passed around the interwebs like a plague before I find out why.

What I do notice is that notoriety has become more interesting to our culture than behaviour that would actually be deserving of praise. On the rare occasion when I flip through a gossip mag or check a site, they’re all reporting on who’s doing drugs, who’s the babydaddy, and who flashed the camera flash again. She looks fat, he looks homeless. She’s still trying to “collect the whole set” of World Children, and he slept with someone who’s only reknown by proxy. So how come we still have to get news about him and a reality TV “star” who fell from grace? Who really gives a damn about any of them?

Although Andy Warhol is credited with saying “In the future everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes,” I’ve discovered he later refined the concept. He’s referring to Studio 54 (the actual club, not the movie based on it) here:

It’s the place where my prediction from the sixties finally came true: “In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.” I’m bored with that line. I never use it anymore. My new line is, “In fifteen minutes everybody will be famous.”

(source)

But will we be famous for any worthwhile reason? Will it be our choice, or random unexpected happenstance? What is the Star Wars kid doing these days? Did Ghyslain Raza’s parents have to sue the parents of the kids responsible for his unwanted infamy? Maybe, maybe not. But those asshole students did not ask Gaza’s permission to take something he made for fun at school nor did he know they’d post it online so the whole world could mock his high nerd factor. Those kids didn’t even know who Gaza was. Newsweek has a great article about Gaza’s experience (among others) and how the internet is proving Warhol right.

For people who use blogs and social-networking sites like diaries, putting their personal information out there for the world to see, this presents a serious risk. “I think young people are seduced by the citizen-media notion of the Internet: that everyone can have their minutes of fame,” says Barry Schuler, the former CEO of AOL who is now the coproducer of a new movie, “Look,” about public video surveillance. “But they’re also putting themselves out there—forever.”

Shaming victims, meanwhile, have little legal recourse. Identifying posters often means having to subpoena an anonymous IP address. But that could lead nowhere. Many people share IP addresses on college networks or Wi-Fi hotspots, and many Web sites hide individual addresses. Even if a victim identifies the defamer, bloggers aren’t usually rich enough to pay big damage awards. Legal action may only increase publicity—the last thing a shaming victim wants. “The law can only do so much,” warns Solove.

We are long past the point where people will forget what we’ve done. We may sink into blessed oblivion for a little while, but everyone, everywhere, may be only one click away from the world’s attention.

How do you want to be remembered?


What’s the deal with ChristWire?

November 6, 2009

Is this for real? Do people really think this way? Until I’m informed of the reality of this site, have a few laughs anyway. It’s a helluva good time.

Start with the bit where emo spirits cause men to have bad hair and buy communist products. Who knew? What’s communist about iTunes? I have to pay for every song. I thought under communism all kinds of shit would be free. Stupid commie bastards who ruined the utopia Marx dreamed of…

If you want to own a cat, you may as well worship Bast, too and then go straight to hell, do not pass Go (but do pass the lint brush. Cat hairs! Evil cat hairs!) On behalf of cats everywhere, I’m offended.

Friendly Atheist gets a finger shaken at him for mentioning the Virgin Mary and a condom in the same piece. Because it IS the same piece:

I wish this were still the days of the Spanish Inquisition, because I would mount my horse and lead the charge to slowly burn all these filth atheist witches at the pyre! There is nothing moral or right about disparaging the mother of our Lord and Savior!

I hope and pray God gives them just punishment for this, it’s so far over the line of wrong. May God strike down their fornicated secret parts with emerods and then let their souls stoke the fires of hell!

Feel the love. I love being loved. Whoever got to be loved with that Virgin Mary condom was very loved indeed. I also love how it says “emerods” instead of hemorrhoids, too. It’s obviously a writer more familiar with King James’ version. Haven’t seen much evidence of smiting yet. God can’t even smite down my fruit flies. Not that I’ve asked him to – I’m an atheist with a soapy water spray bottle. I can deal with them myself.

Apparently there’s a group around that’s given up masturbation for Jesus. I shouldn’t wonder why. You’ve seen how Jesus is hung, right? (Dude’s in need of a dress up party, too. Open this in a new window or tab for later. Don’t leave here yet. There are more LOLs! Read the rest of this entry »


With no religion, would people still be this crazy?

October 30, 2009

Les over at Stupid Evil Bastard (and others) already did a rundown of this article by Kimberly Daniels (I edit Oct 31: they’ve added an editor’s note about its “controversial” nature now.) but I think there’s enough crazy to go around, so I’m going to quote pieces, too.

The key word in discussing Halloween is “dedicated.” It is dedicated to darkness and is an accursed season. During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. A time-released curse is a period that has been set aside to release demonic activity and to ensnare souls in great measure.

You may ask, “Doesn’t God have more power than the devil?” Yes, but He has given that power to us. If we do not walk in it, we will become the devil’s prey. Witchcraft works through dirty hearts and wrong spirits.

During this period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I wonder how much they get paid to do that. Do they have to circle each cauldron of sweet sugary chocolate, or just aim their prayers at the trucks taking it all away to stores? I can’t find anything at the company websites about how witches get hired either. Are they in a union?

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference.

Even the colors of Halloween (orange, brown and dark red) are dedicated. These colors are connected to the fall equinox, which is around the 20th or 21st of September each year and is sometimes called “Mabon.” During this season witches are celebrating the changing of the seasons from summer to fall. They give praise to the gods for the demonic harvest. They pray to the gods of the elements (air, fire, water and earth).

It’s so hard to mock something that’s already this ridiculous. Les reminds his readers that Mabon is a neo-pagan remodel of a spring deity and not related to harvest at all. Demonic harvest? Obviously this woman has no clue where her food comes from. Here in Canada, Halloween colours seem to be black, purple, and yellow. I don’t know why. So little kiddies don’t blend in with the autumn leaves and get killed by reckless drivers?

And I thought there was supposed to be only one god ever and forever. How can she freak out over what witches are doing if they pray to gods that don’t exist?

The gods of harvest that the witches worship during their fall festivals are the Corn King and the Harvest Lord. The devil is too stupid to understand that Jesus is the Lord of the Harvest 365 days a year. But we cannot be ignorant of the devices of the enemy. When we pray, we bind the powers of the strong men that people involved in the occult worship.

Do you start to see my point for why I wonder about the value of religion sometimes? If this woman believes any of this, then others do too, and how can anyone reason with them? They’d rather buy into this garbage and believe demons are real than shrug off a silly night of letting loose. And just by the fact that I say demons don’t exist, they’re going to think demons got to me already and I’m damned to hell. Best thing devil ever did was make the people think he doesn’t exist, right? Blow me.

Halloween is much more than a holiday filled with fun and tricks or treats. It is a time for the gathering of evil that masquerades behind the fictitious characters of Dracula, werewolves, mummies and witches on brooms.

But she just said witches bewitch candy. Now they’re fictional? Or only broom riding witches are fictional? Real witches take public transport.. evil evil public transport. They might even use carpool lanes, the heathens.

The truth is that these demons that have been presented as scary cartoons actually exist. I have prayed for witches who are addicted to drinking blood and howling at the moon.

Name a couple. Did you see them doing this? Where were they doing this? How did you find out about it? How many people? When did this happen? Was anyone else with you when you found them and can verify your story here? Did you take any pictures to prove it’s not all in your fucked up little mind? Somehow I doubt it.

About the author: Kimberly Daniels is a sought-after conference speaker and preacher. She is the founder of Kimberly Daniels Ministries International (kimberlydaniels.com), Spoken Word Ministries—the church she pastors in Jacksonville, Florida, with her husband, Ardell—A Child of the King Learning Center and Word Bible College. Kim is a recognized prophetic voice as well as the author of several books, including her most recent, Prayers that Bring Change (Charisma House).

That is scarier than all her psycho ravings put together. People actually want this woman to foam at the mouth in public? Cripes. In her picture she looks like such a sweet lady. Obviously you can’t tell anything by looks. Anyone else who sees demons in every corner would be medicated and kept away from sharp objects.

Why would good decent Christians support her insanity? She needs help, not encouragement. There is something seriously wrong with her.

—-
Edit Oct 31: Props as per usual to Digital Cuttlefish for yet another well written topical batch of verses. My envy tastes like orange icing and chocolate sprinkles…


If it could happen in real life…

October 28, 2009

.. no wonder a cop would pull a gun on someone wielding a chain saw in a haunted house, hired help or no. KCRA.com reports:

Baltimore County police said Sgt. Eric Janik, 36, pulled his gun on a haunted house employee dressed up as the killer from “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” at the House of Screams show in Essex on Sunday.

Police told reporters with Baltimore news station WBAL that the employee approached Janik after the haunted house tour was over in a effort to get “one last scream.”

Instead, it was the employee that got a scare when Janik pulled his service weapon and pointed it at the Michael Morrison’s chest, authorities said.

“I was doing my normal scene at the haunted house, and as I was going out the back door with the chainsaw, the officer pulled his gun on me. Basically, he put his gun to my chest and as I was going back in, he said he was a cop,” Morrison, the man in the costume, told WBAL.

He said he dropped the chain saw, which had no chain and was not dangerous.

The cop was with his family and other police think he was drunk at the time. Fun night out for the kiddies, eh? They’ll laugh about it later. Years from now, I mean. Now, it looks like dear old dad’s gonna get a lot more time to booze up, if he can still afford any; he’s been suspended without pay until his hearing.

I wonder if the nine-year-old will grow up with a fear of lumberjacks now…


If kids can’t cope with Humpty Dumpty…

October 19, 2009

..then I feel really worried about the future. I haven’t seen the show they discuss here, but the BBC claims the decision to change Humpty Dumpty’s ending for a popular children’s programme was all about creative expression, not Bowlderizing.

A version used on the CBeebies channel was altered so rather than “couldn’t put Humpty together again” all the King’s horses “made Humpty happy again”.

The broadcaster said the change was made purely for creative reasons rather than trying to give a soft version of the rhyme for children.

Okay, but why? This is like Disney letting the Hunchback of Notre Dame live at the end. Rewriting a historical figure into a grown woman who pals around with a singing raccoon. It inaccurate and more than that, it’s wrong.

Hunchback isn’t a story for kids anyway. Beats me why Disney would have picked it. Great film for the parents, I suppose though. I’ve probably mentioned that whole “Hellfire” tune at some point. No wonder they needed to add some ridiculous gargoyles into the mix for the kiddies. Yikes.

A spokeswoman said: “We play nursery rhymes with their original lyrics all the time and the small change to Humpty Dumpty was done for no other reason than being creative and entertaining.”

But it’s entertaining in its original form. And surely there would be some way to use the actual ending and attach some learning or good message to it about being careful and safe. No one would need to get into the history of nursery rhymes or anything. Interesting stories about its origins, though.

Labour MP Tom Harris told the Independent on Sunday: “For goodness sake. Obviously children will find it far too violent, distressing and horrific that Humpty should not be put back together again.

“This is what happens when adults try to make these kinds of judgments.”

He told the newspaper that he had also seen Little Miss Muffet changed on the channel, so that she made friends with the spider instead of running away.

But the BBC spokeswoman said that alteration was made for similar creative reasons and there was “nothing more to it than that.”

Is it safe to assume Harris was being sarcastic there?

Why not keep Miss Muffet as is, but educate kids about spiders when you tell the rhyme and how unnecessary it is to run from, or kill them at all, usually. Show them how to make an easy spider catcher – clear plastic cup to slap over, cardboard to slide between the floor and the cup, then carefully lift and tip spider into the cup. Easy bite-free viewing to study what kind of spider it might be, and easy transfer to the out of doors where it can be of better use. Not for use with tarantulas, obviously, but how many houses will be infested with those?

Creative discretion or not, I think it does a disservice to kids when people try to shelter them from everything that might cause a little trauma. If they don’t figure out how to deal with the little fears, they’ll never have any experience to fall on if they ever have to endure the big ones.


Couple swapped children for exotic pet

October 19, 2009

A bird.
Yes.
Truly.

Here’s the AP article via Australia:

A Louisiana couple admitted giving an exotic bird to a woman in exchange for two children, a US district attorney said Wednesday.

Paul and Brandy Romero, of Eunice, pleaded guilty to two felony counts of sale of a minor, Evangeline Parish District Attorney Trent Brignac’s office said in a statement.

Their five-year prison sentences were suspended in exchange for their testimony against the woman accused of handing over the children, Donna Greenwell of Glenmora, the statement said.

The Romeros traded their cockatoo and $175 for the children in February.

Greenwell is not their mother but the children were living with her, apparently with their parents’ knowledge.

Prosecutors say she “instigated” the transfer when she responded to the Romeros’ advertisement for sale of the bird.

Greenwell, who is free on bond, has pleaded not guilty to two felony counts of sale of minor children. Her trial is set for November.

Officially speechless.

That is all.


Woodn’t you know it, the Virgin Mary still haunts a tree stump

October 5, 2009

I laughed enough over this back in July, but what the heck. Let’s see how the silliness has progressed, shall we?

Between 10 and 15 people gather in the grounds of St Mary’s Church in Rathkeale every evening and recite the rosary around the wooden stump, which received global attention during the summer months.

Chairman of Rathkeale Community Council, Noel White said it had been agreed by Parish Priest, Fr Joe Dempsey to leave the stump untouched.

“He (Fr Dempsey) agreed to leave it there. It’s not doing any harm and I think that is the sensible approach. Fr Dempsey did the right thing to leave it stand. It is up there for as long as it will last,” Mr White said.

Even Dennis Quaid stopped to see the flipping thing. Don’t encourage them, Dennis.

Sheesh. I’m sure much of the “global attention” came from people using stumbleupon and Digg and Reddit and other tools to have a look and mock the lunacy.

The really sensible approach would to pull the stump like they intended to in the first place and cut it for stoves or what have you. It’d be far more useful as toothpicks than it is now.


Laughter is contageous, but is it evil?

September 26, 2009

I was thumbing through a book at work yesterday (edit Tuesday 29th Sept – Connected: the surprising power of a social networks and how they shape our lives by Nicholas A. Christakis) and came across a fascinating bit of what the hell. Fortunately, I don’t need the book in hand to write about it, thanks to the internet.

It was Tanganyika in 1962, but we know it now as Tanzania. An epidemic of bizarre school-closing proportions broke out in January of that year, after three students shared a joke and then found they could not stop laughing. Their infectious hysteria (laughter, agitation, crying) spread through the school within weeks and by March ninety-five of the 159 students were affected. They closed the school for a couple months but the same thing happened again when they reopened in May, affecting 57 kids.

The girls sent home from the Kashasha school appeared responsible for the spread of the epidemic. Within 10 days of the school closing, laughter attacks were reported at Nshamba, the home village for several of the Kashasha girls. 217 of the 10,000 Nshamba villagers, mostly school age boys and girls, were afflicted.

A further outbreak occurred at Ramasheyne girls middle school on the outskirts of Bukoba, close to the homes of other Kashasha pupils. This school closed in mid June after 48 of the 154 students suffered laughter attacks.

This crazy business went on until June of 1964 in schools and villages all over the Lake Victoria area. In the end, they resorted to quarantine measures to keep the crazy from spreading any further. It petered out eventually, and as far as I can discover it hasn’t happened there or anywhere else since.

Scientists searched for toxic gas or a virus in the blood of the afflicted that might have caused the laughter epidemic but found nothing that could offer an explanation.

The laughter spread along the lines of family, tribal and peer association with the closer the relationship between victim and witness, the more likely it was the witness would become infected.

The conclusion drawn was that it was of psychogenic, hysterical origin.

Wild, eh? My cousin and I could have been terminal cases when we were kids. Any time we had a sleepover, we’d just get a flash of a glimmer off our eyeballs in a darkened room and have to bury our faces in the pillows to stifle the giggles. It was so insane, and yet so hilarious. Tanzania, 1962? Not so funny.

Strange as that is, I came across something even weirder than that. A commenter at Scribal Terror (who had quoted from Discovery News) mentioned the Toronto Blessing that occurred at Toronto’s airport church, in January of 1994. It’s also called the Toronto Phenomena. Wikipedia seems to have the only article not written from a theological perspective (God/Devil did it!), so I’ll quote that first.

The blessing has become known for ecstatic worship, including what is known as falling or resting in the Spirit, laughter, shaking, and crying. “Holy laughter” was a hallmark manifestation and there were also instances of participants roaring like lions and making other animal noises. Leaders and participants claim that these are physical manifestations of the Holy Spirit’s presence and power. One TACF teaching, the golden sword prophecy, has been spreading among charismatic churches.

TACF is shorthand for Toronto Airport Christian Fellowship, the church where all this happened. The “golden sword prophecy” occurred on the third anniversary of these events, when one of the pastors, Carol Arnott, flung herself to the floor of the warehouse and gyrated wildly for 20 minutes like she was having an invisible sword fight. She also did a lot of yelling about who’s sword it was (God’s I’m guessing) and later “annointed” anyone who wanted the same saving she appeared to have had. Pastors at other churches that might still wish to perform “The Sword of the Lord” or “the Warrior Anointing” can also hold their hands above their heads like they clutch swords and bellow at the top of their lungs with some kind of god-inspired warrior cry. Sounds … fun. Yeah. More wiki:

Some Christian leaders were enthusiastic about what they saw as a renewal in North American Christianity, while others saw it as hysteria and spiritually dangerous. Critics referred to it as “self-centered and evil” and cited the strange manifestations as warning signs. Others defended the blessing as historically rooted in earlier revivals and as having positive effects in the lives of participants.

I will of course quote a critic now, even if he is a man of god. At least we’re both in agreement over how ridiculous this is.

I read an article by a woman who had the experience of making animal sounds. She tried to defend the practice, and her conclusion was that God’s intention is to strip His ministers and His people of “their dignity,” just as Jesus was stripped of His dignity on the cross. It may be true that man stripped Jesus of His dignity on the cross, but that is hardly a base for deducing that God will strip His people of their dignity

Arnold Fruchtenbaum writes also about the leader/founder of Toronto Vineyard (as it was called then) who was later invited to Israel to show the interested people there how to achieve similar results (the laughter, barking/baying nonsense, etc). He arrived the very day Yitzak Rabin was assassinated. But, rather than cancel, or at least postpone the revival, they went through with it. So, while much of the country was crying or quietly mourning the loss of their leader, a group of devotees was working their way up to some silly holy giggle fit of hysteria instead. Way to show you care, people.

Even if I allowed my experience to be a criteria for determining truth, this, alone, would have finalized in my mind the tragic error and ungodly origins of this phenomenon. It made some of my friends sick to have observed this. In my case, it made me sick only to hear about it. This should show how far away from the will of the Lord this whole experience is. But, again, the final criteria must be the Word of God.

I bold that which I will come back to at the end of all this. Carry on reading.

People all over the world went to these things (to do all this. Click that one. I’m serious.) Later, a church in Darbyshire, UK, also took these revivals to heart and tried to duplicate the god-giggle-connection over there. Names were altered in this witness’s report of what went on when devotees who’d been in Toronto were invited to share their experience.

We both prayed before we went to the meeting that God would protect us from anything not of him, and had an open mind on the subject. We sat there listening to the speakers, all of which had been to Toronto. One speaker related how he had been on all fours roaring like a lion. Another said of how he had seen many controversial things, things that had upset him, “But” he said, “I won’t tell you about those, I’ll just tell you the good things.”

I thought that was so unfair of him as it denied us the chance to judge for ourselves. All the speakers said that they hated the first meeting there, and wanted to run from it, but they had to put their fears and hang-ups aside, in order to receive the blessing.

Later on, the speakers went through the whole routine. Soon the pastor’s wife and others fell to the floor, stricken, but the writer and her husband remained seemingly unaffected, no matter how much pushing and hugging and praying went on to get them to join in.

I was prayed for three times and felt absolutely nothing. I felt so empty, so alone, like I wasn’t really there, I wasn’t a part of it. Sebastian and I seemed to be the only ones standing. I walked into the ‘Ladies room’ in tears. I prayed, “Lord, why aren’t you with me? Why have you passed me by? What have I done so wrong that you don’t want me?” After praying, I went back into the meeting and stood at the back, just watching.

Interesting how her first assumption is that something’s wrong with her, eh? Not something wrong with the whole lot of them. An actual fear that her god doesn’t want her because she won’t moo like a cow and wiggle on the floor like everyone else.

Yeesh. There’s a lot more to her story, but you can read through that yourselves. I want to conclude this with another bit from Fruchtenbaum (but I’m adding breaks to make it easier on the eye).

one defense I have heard many times is, “How could this not be of God when they focus so much on Jesus?” But how does one know that they focus so much on Jesus? It is based on what they say verbally as you constantly hear them saying, “Praise the Lord,” or “Praise Jesus,” or some similar-sounding phrase. It is constantly repeated and what the Bible-based observer must realize is that this is merely a formula, much like those who recite a mantra in eastern religions. There is nothing concrete there.

Just verbalizing the name of Jesus over and over again does not, by itself, prove anything. In fact, it fits this verse quite well: “and with their mouth and with their lips 2 do honor me, but have removed their heart far from me” (Isaiah 29:13b). Their heart is far from God in reality for the same reason: they have learned to fear God on the basis of man-made experiences, rather than on the basis of the Word of God (20:13c).

They follow man-made doctrines and repeat constant phrases someone trained them to repeat, believing that this constant repetition is what makes them spiritual. As a result, more time is spent seeking further experiences than on actual study of the Word of God in its own context.

I’ll just point out that I’m quite sure the whole of the bible is a man-made doctrine. Inspired by a belief in a god, sure, but men wrote it and more men translated it, and more men began to interpret the words to fit their own agendas and belief systems and entice more men and women into looking at the words their way. This is what allows these charismatic churches to be a laugh a minute while the Roman Catholics across the street solemnly promote holy mystical cannibalism.

And each side completely believes they’ve got it right. They’re reading the so-called words of god every day and still they can conclude that.

Study it in context, Fruchtenbaum writes. How? Most people can’t read ancient Greek or Hebrew, nor do they all have an encyclopedic knowledge of what the world was like back then and what knowledge and experiences led to the telling of these stories in the first place. All they’ve got is their most loved translation of a much translated book. And for some of them their only experience of ancient history comes out of there anyway, all that one-sided propaganda selling an image of a people that isn’t necessarily accurate or even remotely true. Most people don’t have a clue how many hundreds of years lie between the days described in Exodus and Paul’s letters to the Romans. And you can’t go by the book itself to tell you — Matthew and Luke don’t even agree on how many years a generation might be. One says 25, another says 40. Job gives a different answer, and Chronicles says something else entirely.

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God stands forever.” Isaiah 40:8

Forever in contradiction, that is.