Is there some Zeus fetish I don’t know about?

No doubt I’ve missed few searches for the old lightning tosser that hit my search results, but look at this list:

Statue of Zeus hands (3)
Statues of Zeus (6)
George Washington Zeus (17)
George Washington Zeus statue (14)
Artemisium Zeus (7)
The father okay Zeus
Satan and Zeus
Zeus with baby out of his head (2)
Zeus having sex
Symbols of Zeus
Zeus missing part
Zeus’s blue thunderbolt (2)
Gay Zeus (2)
Rape of Europa Zeus
Zeus Leda/Swan (7)
Paintings of Zeus (4)
Zeus open hands (4)
Zeus and flood (4)
Europa and the bull (4)
Zeus is Satan (5)
Zeus satan (10)

That dude’s way popular. Thanks Dan Brown, for getting people interested in art, by the way. I see now why so many people are pairing up George and Zeus.

A statue done by Horatio Greenough featuring the Prez as a god was meant to sit in the Capitol rotunda when completed, but George’s state of dishabille caused more than a little consternation and he got moved a couple times before finding a good home. Now, he’s viewable on the second floor of the National Museum of American History.

I wonder if people still find his lack of a shirt disturbing…

The One Minion Search Party, volume 28

I’ve probably said it before, but I really don’t get how the searches, as broad (or weird) as they are, generate hits here. Somebody looks for “funny” or “babies” or “chinese eat baby soup” or “angel statue with arm broken off” and it all winds up in my stats whether anyone’s actually clicked on the search engine’s link to my site or not? It makes me feel something like an ignoramus to not know these things.

Ah well, I am to coding as I am to car repair. I can find the windshield wiper fluid and add oil. But not into the windshield wiper fluid receptacle because that’d be really really wrong…

Anywho, searches. My numbering of these volumes is a little wonky since there are a lot of weeks where I wasn’t blogging, and last week I just plumb forgot about it altogether.

Looking at my overall stats, it is somewhat alarming how many people are looking for Chinese people eating babies. I know I’ve wondered about some of the mystery meats under the red lights at Asian buffets before but I’m pretty sure I’ve never eaten anything that was once a human (or could become one — did you know there’s a cookbook just for semen as an additive out there? It’s called Natural Harvest. Seriously.) If they’re looking for man-eating babies, that isn’t much better. That sounds more like a foray into pedophilia, which is nothing one should be supportive of or promote in any way. Yikes.

Searching for baby photos is another weird one, as far as I’m concerned. I get the desire to look at the photos of family or friends or even the polite nod and smile as your cubicle neighbour swamps you with pics of the newest crotch-fruit. But just searching for baby pictures with no particular baby in mind? What’s that all about? What are people looking for, those odd looking trollish babies, or the ones wearing funny t-shirts advertising babies loving boobies? What? Somebody explain it to me sometime. I genuinely wonder.

“Jesus Christ vs Zeus” makes me think of World Wrestling for some reason. Talk about the match of the century. Was Jesus a pacifist? What would Jesus do? Could the Son of God actually clothesline the Son of Titans or would Zeus just piledrive him into the mat and light his tights on fire with a well placed lightening bolt….okay, and now I’m getting a visual of Christ’s tight butt hanging out for the world to see, and well, I’m blushing a little…if there’s a hell to be had, I’d be on my way, I’m sure.

And I can’t even translate המבורגר — but if Google Images is anything to go by, it’s more hamburgers. People just love hamburgers. I don’t think vegetarians are ever gonna win. No siree bob.

see more Fail Blog

Well, this party was funner than most. And yes, I’m fully aware funner is not a word. Learn to deal. It’ll help with the Poker…

The One Minion Search Party, volume 26

Michaelle Jean has led a lot of people this way for some reason. She’s the Governor General of Canada and once ate a seal’s heart. I don’t what fact is more interesting.

I’m guessing it’ll be the latter.

I’m probably like a lot of Canadians. I don’t follow politics. I don’t pay attention to news regarding who’s in charge, or what scandalous events have the boys in suits screaming across parliamentary halls. Apathy: A.K.A 1minion.

I’ve just run across something interesting as I did a quick search for apathy and Canadian politics – Apathy is Boring, a blog designed to get people, young people in particular, more interested in the political whirlygig in this country. From their Aug 13 entry:

Young people in Canada are not disconnected from the political process because they are lazy, they are disconnected because they don’t understand the connection is between what political leaders are doing in Ottawa and the issues of concern to them in their communities. Young people are very active in their communities in ‘untraditional ways’, whether it be spreading the word about a cause they care about on Facebook or putting on a benefit show in their local community, but they don’t vote, because they don’t think their vote will make a difference. They don’t see the connection between making a difference and politics.

There do seem to be a lot of groups on Facebook related to events and issues and the like. Hell, there’s even one for the rat problem in Swift Current, Sk, which has been a hot button issue there all summer. CBC Radio One interviewed Mayor Sandy Larson recently, a woman who sounded like she didn’t have a clue or care about how to proceed in extermination tactics and was unable to offer up any city plans to avoid destruction of property because of the ridiculous influx of rodents. Apparently kids in town have taken to having rat parties by Safeway’s dumpsters and other places, taking sticks and beating the crap out of the things for something to do in the evenings. That’s another way youth deal with an issue, I guess…

Local politics suffer as much as national, that’s for sure. But heck, when even the mayor.. The community set up a big meeting to deal with the problem and invited the mayor to come and have a say. If you listen to the CBC broadcast, you discover that the mayor opted to have her own impromptu meeting a day earlier rather than face the ire and indignation of those angry local residents. At least this kerfluffle will ensure she’s not voted in next time around. When not even a Mayor gives a damn, that’s when you know interest in politics is a bigger problem than it seemed.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 25

This is a good one, for all kinds of jumping off reasons:

how do i know if it’s faith or delusion

Delusions can be cured with the right pill.

No, seriously, that’s a really good question, and I’m glad a search for the answer led here, so I could see it and respond, albeit not when Anonymous Reader is needing it. Perhaps A.R. will come across this at some point.

I saw it on a blog somewhere a while back as a random comment and I wish I’d been paying attention to where. It was something like, a president can say he talks to god every day and he’s sane. If he says he talks to god through a hair dryer, he’s insane.

Results of a study were mentioned earlier this year in New Scientist that seemed to indicate that those who say they talk to god light up the same bit of the brain as people who talk to imaginary friends in general. Just the feeling that you’re talking to someone lights up the brain, be it god or Santa Claus.

Previous studies have found that the prefrontal cortex is not activated when people interact with inanimate objects, such as a computer game. “The brain doesn’t activate these areas because they don’t expect reciprocity, nor find it necessary to think about the computer’s intentions,” says Schjødt.

He says the results show people believe they are talking to someone when they pray, an outcome that pleased both atheists and Christians: “Atheists said it shows that it’s all an illusion,” says Schjødt, while Christians said it was evidence that God is real.

Robin Dunbar at the University of Oxford points out that the study proves neither: “This has nothing to do with whether God exists or not, only with subjects’ beliefs about whether God exists.”

I highlighted the last bit because I thought it was important. Same goes for a delusion about someone’s invisible friend, probably. We assume there are no invisible people around because it’s rational to think so but kids will still design friends for themselves that no one else can see. Why? Is it built into the brain to delude ourselves for pleasure? Or do we do it for our sanity? Delusions aren’t necessarily bad, either, not if they ultimately lead to worthwhile things.

I’ve just reminded myself of a book that should have made my 15 books in 15 minutes list and I’m kicking myself for not including it now. There’s a bit in Hogfather by Terry Pratchett that I love mentioning and it’s near the end of the book, but not an ending spoiler if someone does wind up wanting to read it. Susan Sto Helit is talking to her grandfather, Death (really), about humanity and its proclivities.

‘All right,’ said Susan. ‘I’m not stupid. You’re saying humans need … fantasies to make life bearable.’

REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.

‘Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little–’

YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.

‘So we can believe the big ones?’

YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

‘They’re not the same at all!’

YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET– Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME … SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.

‘Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what’s the point–’

MY POINT EXACTLY.

At the end of the conversation, Death makes a good point about humanity, in that we need to believe in things like that, things that aren’t real and tangible and quantifiable, so we can make them real. Mercy is worth having faith in. Justice, too. If you want to believe and have faith that God is the way to both, go for it. Whether you’re right or not, at least you’re aiming for something good and worthwhile.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 24

The question:

was zeus a fallen angel

The answer:

No.

There, that was an easy one.

Okay, kidding. I’ll really reply to it. No, he was a God in his own right, just from a different part of the world than Yahweh, and part of a pantheon, to boot, back in the days of the Greek empire when it was totally okay and fully appropriate to worship different deities depending on the situation. Although technically a weather god, Zeus’s reign as a king of heaven lasted only so long as people put their faith in kings.

Once the age of Greek kings faded into democracy he became chief judge and peacemaker, but most importantly civic god. He brought peace in place of violence and Hesiod (circa 700 BCE) describes Zeus as “the lord of justice”. Zeus was also known as “Kosmetas” (orderer), “Soter” (savior), “Polieos” (overseer of the polis, city) and “Eleutherios” (guarantor of political freedoms). His duties in this role were to maintain the laws, protect suppliants, to summon festivals and to give prophecies (his oldest and most famous oracle was at Dodona, in Epirus, northwestern Greece). As the supreme deity Zeus oversaw the conduct of civilized life. But the “father of gods and men” as Homer calls him, has many mythological tales.

Including that time he transformed into a swan to get a little Leda action. Seriously perverted, these gods were, when it came to sexual conquests. Although, without Zeus egging Leda on, there would have been no Helen of Troy. Turns out he’s also the father of the Muses, too.

Makes for really great storytelling, this pantheon stuff, doesn’t it? Wow.

According to mythology, Zeus was the youngest son of two sibling Titans – Cronus and Rhea. Cronus castrated his own father, Uranus, because his mother, Gaia, was apparently very tired of having kids. Twelve really should be enough for any family, so I don’t think I blame her. Anyway, Cronus and Rhea took over the throne after that.

Under their power a time of harmony and prosperity began, which became known as the “Golden Age”; a time when it was said that people lived without greed or violence, and without toil or the need for laws. But not all was well for Cronus, as it was fated that he would be overthrown by one of his own children. To prevent this from happening he began to swallow his newborn, taking them at birth then swallowing them whole, retaining them inside his own body where they could do him no harm.

Rhea got tired of this eventually and enlisted Gaia’s help to rescue new baby Zeus from this fate by wrapping a stone into his swaddling clothes which Cronus then swallowed instead. They hid Zeus in a cave on Mount Dicte and the divine goat Amaltheia suckled and raised him. Once he was older, Gaia helped him compel Cronus into regurgitating his siblings and at the end of the revolt, Zeus held sway and his father was banished, the rule of the Titans finished at last.

Cue the festivals, temple building and Olympic games:

The celebrations were many: in all, Zeus had more than 150 epithets, each one being celebrated in his honor.

In art, Zeus was usually portrayed as bearded, middle aged but with a youthful figure. He would look very regal and imposing. Artists always tried to reproduce the power of Zeus in their work, usually by giving him a pose as he is about to throw his bolt of lightening. There are many statues of Zeus, but without doubt the Artemisium Zeus is the most magnificent. It was previously thought to be Poseidon, and can be seen in the Athens National Archaeological Museum.

The photo of the statue shows him with his arm raised as if to throw a thunderbolt but there’s nothing in his hand. The statue was initially found in the sea, which is part of the reason people have thought it represented Poseidon even though he’s not carrying a trident either. Maybe the statue did have something inserted in the hand originally but was later lost. Livius.org doesn’t attribute any sculpture’s name to it so I guess nobody knows who made it.

It’s pretty amazing that it was found at all, and in such good shape. Merciful Zeus! Merciful Muses! There must be so much still lost, broken, and unaccounted for, though. Kind of sad. So much history yet so much we’ll never know.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 23

This one pretty much called to me the moment I saw it:

wicca in buffy, willow was not a wiccan

No, Willow sure wasn’t. As far as I’m concerned, she was a sorcerer, because she used magic to suit her own purposes time and time again. She was addicted to breaking rules, ever since season 1. Breaking into morgues, hacking computer systems; whatever it was, Willow would do it and, what’s more, be rewarded for her criminal behaviour, or at least not be chastised by those she saw as role models and those who should have been.

End of season 2, she works the spell to get Angel’s soul back, summons up the spirit of some gypsy conjurer that takes her over – like that wouldn’t have major effect on her later. She even says as much to Buffy near the start of season three, that she was doing magic and it was getting scary and she had no one she could really talk to about it.

Truth was, Giles dropped the ball when it came to Willow. I think he was just as much to blame for what happened to her as anyone. He’d summoned demons as a younger man. He knew what the power was like, how it could corrupt, how hard it was to walk away from it. He’d rebelled against his own family in a similar way as Willow did. Giles should have been a better guide for Willow as she progressed into the magical realms.

Another person who really could have helped Willow adjust to everything magic would have been Jenny Calendar, except Angelus killed her. And combined with Buffy leaving town for the whole summer without a word to her whereabouts, Giles just couldn’t focus on the doors Willow was opening, never once told her that maybe she should have a care, think before she spells, but no. He allowed her to do everything she did because it benefited their goals to do them. Didn’t he ever worry about her and the effect this power would have on her?

Season 4 is when they really should have gotten the clue that Willow was heading down a dangerous road. That whole “Something Blue” episode where she finally realizes that the love of her life was gone? She tried to do a spell that would allow her to bypass the grief but wound up able to influence events around her instead, without realizing it. That foreshadowed all kinds of things – not just Buffy and Spike’s later relationship (and the vile reactions of everyone else), but Willow’s willingness to manipulate the world without considering the fallout ahead of time.

In season 5 we saw how she’d defend her friends against a sizable enemy – how far she was willing to go to save them. In season 6 she went even further by bringing Buffy herself back from the dead, even though the doing was darkest of the dark. Plus all that memory crap she played on Tara and their friends? All the tricks and games with Amy? Then all that damned Rack business and losing Tara just as they were getting back on track. We’d already seen how poorly she deals with loss and how she thinks about magic as the ultimate means to an end and damn the consequences.

That’s not the wiccan way at all.

An’ ye harm none, do what you will.

Willow was the exact image of a mage. That’s what I think.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 22

Last time I listed the stranger searches in my list of search engine terms. This time around, some of the cool ones.

“earth” john hall wheelock irony — Nice to see people interested in poetry. Too much Jesus and prayer in it for my usual tastes but it’s a good one, though. Nice imagery, especially in the fourth stanza. For extra credit: What Am I Life by John Masefield; Apostrophe to Man by Edna St. Vincent Millay; A Man Said to the Universe by Stephen Crane; and Earth by Oliver Herford, which I’ll quote here since it doesn’t seem to be one of his easy-to-find poems:

If this little world tonight
Suddenly should fall through space
In a hissing, headlong flight,
Shriveling from off its face,
As it falls into the sun,
In an instant every trace
Of the little crawling things-
Ants, philosophers, and lice,
Cattle, cockroaches, and kings,
Beggars, millionaires, and mice,
Men and maggots all as one
As it falls into the sun…
Who can say but at the same
Instant from some planet far
A child may watch us and exclaim:
“See the pretty shooting star!”

Love that one.

Moving on…

Magalsutra sounds really kinky. What is that? Turns out that mangalsutra is jewelery designed to bring good luck to a marriage – auspiciousness, that kind of thing. Might be designed to protect the husband from “unfortunate happenings” but it’s the wife who gets to wear it.

According to Hindu custom, married woman wear a mangalsutra around the neck since it is symbolic of a woman being married. With time the thread is now a string of black beads interspersed with golden beads. Depending upon individual pockets, the mangalsutra comes in a wide variety of styles. However, the black beads prevail in all designs.

Irrespective of the jewellery a woman may wear, the mangalsutra has special significance. It is the symbol of good luck. Wearing it brings good fortune. It also symbolises the love between the couple. No woman wants to part with it for any kind of jewellery. A woman parts with it only after her husband’s demise.

It is customary that after the marriage ceremony the husband gifts the wife a mangalsutra. Amongst many Hindu communities a marriage ceremony is not complete until the husband makes the wife wear a mangalsutra around the neck.

The black beads are supposed to ward off evil, any use of peacocks (love those birds) denotes love for the husband, and the use of gold has two benefits – first, as a means of increasing a body’s energy levels; and second, because it’s expensive and therefore embodies prosperity.

intergalactic doors is the last one I’ll include. This one reminded me of a story I read once that I’m tempted to credit Isaac Asimov with but I could be wrong. I don’t recall what it was called but it took place on an Earth where every house and school and everywhere else a person might want to go was connected by Doors. Transporters, basically. You typed in where you wanted to go, stepped through, and there you arrived. Only one day at school, a bunch of kids wound up at the wrong houses because one boy didn’t walk through the Door. He went Outside instead and walked home the long way. His folks were understandably concerned with this strange business, especially the day he walked home in the rain and wound up ill. I think that’s when they decided to call in a specialist on child behaviour. The doctor and the boy had several discussions about his predilection for the out of doors. He wasn’t afraid of disintegration or anything, but one day a Door had quit working and he decided to walk to where he wanted to go instead, and just kept on doing it. The doctor wound up so curious about what it was like out there that he joined the boy on a walk. Soon he quit using Doors, too. I believe the very last line of the story was, “It’s a nice day, I think I’ll go for a walk.”

And it is, so I will.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 21

I’m selecting this odd numbered entry to highlight a few of the one-offs, the strange searches that inexplicably led to me; a nod to those daring people who hunt for the most elusive answers of all. I can’t guarantee they’ll find any here, but keep trying and good hunting, all of you.

—-

Who’s on first? Whoever searched for “funny old roman comics”

Emperor Nero could have been a stand up comedian. “Oh, what a great night, ladies and gentlemen, I’m on fire! No, wait.. you are!!! bhwwhwhwhahahahahha!!!”

“You say I played the fiddle, the night Rome burned. Lyre.”

—-

What’s on second? “wardrobe theft” apparently.

I gotta Google that myself now.

Interesting.

A wardrobe is an accessible room in a safehouse in both Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas and Grand Theft Auto IV that allows the player to change the protagonist’s clothing.

I presume it’s to elude the police, right? Not just because players of the game want to see CG dudes with their kit off?

And someone made off with some of Victoria Beckham’s wardrobe back in 2007. Judging by the photo provided on site, it’s clear the perpetrator must’ve been nuts.

—-

I dunno’s on third, somebody desperate for information on a “satanic eyeball parasite”

I don’t know if they’re looking to buy one, or sell one. Was there a specific parasite in mind here? The Loa loa seems like the one most fun to contemplate.

Humans are the only known host of adult Loa loa. They typically live in subcutaneous tissue. But they also breed like bunnies, pumping out thousands of tiny threadlike larvae that ride through the bloodstream on a daily basis. At night, they collect inside lung tissue. During the day, they move out to the veins under the skin and wait on the off chance that they’ll get sucked out by their second host – a biting fly.

Once the larvae are inside the fly, they bore through its gut tissue, migrate to its muscles, molt a couple of times, then finally move into the fly’s proboscis. They wait for the fly to bite someone else, and crawl into the wound. New host!

It takes the larvae about 6 months to become adults. But they can live inside human tissues for 15 to 17 years.

Awesome.

—-

Someone’s trying to justify their dark desires with a little music – “lyrics ‘you can stone your wife’ ”

Oh, that might be related to Prop 8, the Musical, which “starred” Jack Black as Jesus. I didn’t bother checking that out. I don’t really like Jack Black and I pretty much said the same thing when I wrote about this before. The only show I liked him in was High Fidelity because he was less obnoxious but still funny and likable.

—-

“can a man make a cow pregant?” “can a man make a cow pregnant?”

Worried?

Must have been. He asked twice.

—-

Okay, that wraps up this round. I’ll save up a few more and do this again sometime.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 20

Seventy or so of my search results have been variations on a theme: what rhymes with Jesus.

Here’s some advice. Poems don’t have to rhyme. Admittedly, I like a nice rhyming couplet as much as the next person. I go mad over limericks, as a matter of fact. I love putting those together. I even figured out a handy way to remember the rhythm and meter of them – sing your limerick to the tune of Hickory Dickory Dock and see if the lines fit comfortably.

Example:

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,
My wife’s just had twins,, ain’t that nice.
But the Bishop said, “Father,
in future I’d rather,
you abstained, or were not naughty twice.”

I like this one too, from the same site:

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,
When asked at what hour he’d dine,
Replied, “At eleven,
At three, five, and seven,
And eight and a quarter past nine.

Were you singing them? These fit the format of Hickory Dickory Dock very well, especially the second one.

If you simply have to have a rhyme, look for a rhyming dictionary to give you some ideas. I typed Jesus into rhymezone but never got much choice, so I clicked on the link to OneLook and discovered that if I search for the end of the word, the SUS sound, there are ninety choices. I bet just searching for words that end with US would be an even better idea. Yep. Four hundred glorious (that rhymes with Jesus, a little) choices, which can be narrowed down to discount any ridiculous scientific stuff I don’t know the meaning of and can’t pronounce.

So, here’s mine, after several minutes of tinkering:

In the market one morning, Jesus
Found for purchase one used abacus
When he asked for the cost
he was told to get lost
which is why the Lord failed Calculus.

heeheeheheeeehehehehee.

Another option would have been to not bother trying to rhyme the word Jesus. If you can’t find a rhyme for a word you want to include, don’t put that word at the end of a line and drive yourself batty looking for a way to make it work. Put it somewhere else in the poem and re-think how you wanted to do it.

The other option may be to forgo rhyming altogether and pick a style that’s less limiting. When I write poems, I tend to prefer a free form, almost a style of word association. I the haiku style too, because it’s simple and short.

But, if you want to follow a specific style of poetry,
ThinkQuest offers a good list for any budding poets wanting to stretch their creative wings. Worth checking out.

The One Minion Search Party, volume 19

As luck would have it, this worked out very nicely, to have my first post in a long time be this one, on this topic:

search party searching?

What’s up with that?

I did a search party search of my own and came up with a show in Texas, and “New England’s first choice for live entertainment” — Search Party — as featured on a show I’ve never watched, Star Search. Or maybe people were looking for the movie.

I don’t feel much more informed.

Were search parties in the news last weekend and I never heard about it? Ah yes: Pupils Hunt Missing Girl — no, it turns out the girl went missing in 1916. The Sunday school teacher also went missing. Related events? Story doesn’t say. Still makes for interesting speculation. No wonder historians get their jollies on the microfiche machines.

These aren’t the stories you’re looking for? Moving along, moving along…

Google News has a scan of The Age, June 4, 1963, and a story about three Boy Scouts missing in Australia. Also interesting. I didn’t even know Google had this feature. This is supercool. Who had the job of getting that organized and functional? Geez. Colour me impressed.

Well, I have to admit, I don’t see a reason why anyone would have searched for search parties. Ah well, it got me a blog entry, that’s all that matters.