Friday Night Frights (One Minion learns love doesn’t grow where Rosemary goes)

October 15, 2010

“Why have you conjured me into existence, Mistress Minion?”
“Because I can! I found the secret book hidden away, thought lost for all time! Now I have the power over those bigger and stronger than myself! Mauahaahaah!!!! Now, I command you to attack and devour my enemies! Leave not even their bones unbitten!”
“But I’m a vegetarian.”

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Friday Night Frights (One Minion and the return of Frankenstein)

October 8, 2010

The intrepid explorers stood there, unsure what to do next.

“Durrrrrr!” the thing mumbled.

Floyd’s tail twitched nervously. “Did you hear that?”

“Of course I did!” Lloyd blinked his eyes, hardly able to believe what he was seeing. “How can a bodiless head do that?”

The little Frog Scouts bounced on Floyd’s back and Lloyd marveled over how keen and excited they seemed. This was surely worth the long trek to the top of the futon, a hike none of them were keen or excited to start.

“I wonder what it’s doing up here,” said Floyd.

Lloyd remained silent, watching the thing. The thing’s eyes stared into the distance. What was it thinking? Was it capable of thinking of anything?* Read the rest of this entry »

Friday Night Frights (One Minion’s Night of the Living Dead)

October 1, 2010

“Oh dear, I was afraid of this. Minion brought home more movies,” said Cow, sounding worried.

“So what? She’s been doing that stupid morality movie thing for weeks now.” Stegosaurus replied.

“Yes, but these are horror films!”

“Check your oxygen levels, Cow!” Stegosaurus scoffed. “Minion doesn’t watch porn!”

Cow squeezed her eyes shut and tried to think down to Stegosaurus’ level. “Not whores, you stupid toy. Horr-ers. Horr-ers.” He still looked blank. “Scary movies.”

“Oh no! It’s not October already, is it?”

Cow nodded, dejectedly. Last year, Minion spent the whole month laughing and throwing popcorn toward her computer monitor as she watched some of the worst films ever released on DVD. It looked like this year she chose the classics route… Read the rest of this entry »

Friday Night Frights (One Minion gets a Shark bite)

October 30, 2009

sand shark

“Dah duh….Dah duh…Dah duh”
“Da dumb is more like it. What are you doing with a rock on your back, Lloyd?”
“I’m a shark, Floyd.”
“Worst looking shark I’ve ever seen. Minion has tonight’s movie all set up. Are you going to watch it or not?”
“I have my shark costume on, don’t I?”
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Friday Night Frights (One Minion meets a Star Knight)

October 23, 2009

“There’s no silliness preceding tonight’s picture, Star Knight. There is only me, Sidoh. sidoh 1aMinion felt it best if I see this movie because I, too, am a stranger in this world. I am shinigami, a soul reaper, from another dimension and often watch this world and all the strange things humans do. I am also immortal (for the most part), and easily bored, hence the reason I actually agreed to stop in and do this (and because she promised chocolate). Minion assures me that as an alien element in this world, I will relate to the film in ways ordinary humans might not. But enough from me. Minion is about to press play and I haven’t even studied my chocolate box map yet…” Read the rest of this entry »

Friday Night Frights (One Minion finds a Headless Ghost)

October 16, 2009

headless puppet 2 I’m a headless ghost! I’m a headless ghost!

No, no! I’m just teasing! You don’t have to run away! No! Come back! Minion was only playing with her photo program…
puppet shame1
Oh dear, I feel so ashamed! What a silly idea this was! I’ve scared away every one of Minion’s readers! Oh dear! Now what are we going to do? This is terrible! So terrible! Oh, it’s a disaster!

happy puppetWhat’s that you say? You’re still here? I don’t believe it! I didn’t scare you away? What a relief! You’re a bold one to check this blog tonight, though. Haven’t you noticed Minion is running a super scary weekend special this month to honour all that’s scary and fun? The past couple weekends were all about crazy killers and magic spells. I hope you like spooky movies because Minion is about to watch The Headless Ghost! Read the rest of this entry »

Friday Night Frights (One Minion bathes in Baron Blood!)

October 9, 2009

stega 1

“I don’t know what to think of this project Minion’s taken on. Is she in need mental aid?” the Stegosaurus wondered. “After last week’s crazy Aussie innkeeper killers, I think I’d rather be deaf than listen to more ham acting. No offense.”

“None could possibly be taken,” Cow replied, feeling pained. “Ham comes from pigs.”

cow 1

Minion always came home from work with several DVDs and Cow was tired of hearing Stegosaurus grumble about the quality of them. She didn’t like Minion’s taste in entertainment either, but it did no good to complain. And besides, what could they do about it anyway? They were squeaky toys Minion picked up at a Dollar store for goodness’ sake.

“So, what is it this time?” asked Stegasaurus.

“Why do you even ask me?” Cow replied, testily. “You know I can’t read.”

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” Stegosaurus said without a hint of sincerity. “You know what I meant. It was a retro oracle question.”

Cow thought about that for a moment, then rolled her eyes. “You mean rhetorical.”

“I mean whatever. What are we in for?”

“I think I remember Minion saying it was a movie about a crazy Austrian castle killer this time,” Cow supplied.

“More Aussie crap?”

Cow let out an exasperated sigh. “Austria and Australia are two different places.”

“You sure?”

“Positive. Now, would you shut up? Minion’s ready to start watching Baron Blood.”

“I don’t like the sound of that,” Stegosaurus whispered.
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Friday Night Frights (One Minion visits the Horror Hotel!)

October 2, 2009

The dark case compelled her, almost as if she were under a spell. She noticed how the photocopied cover managed to look cheap, yet darkly sinister. She look around discreetly but noticed no eyes upon her, so closed her own and pried open the case. She tried to ignore the tremor in her hands.

When she risked opening her eyes again, her heart skipped a beat! There was nothing on the disc, save the title!

horror hotel

She gasped, barely stopping the case from dropping from her suddenly chilled hands, somehow knowing that the loud clatter of plastic hitting tile would bring trouble her way. She clutched the case to her ample bosom and hurried toward the front desk at the library to check it out. Would they remark upon her odd choice? Call the police to pick up a jittery weirdo? No, nothing! Her card cleared the scanner and the movie was hers! Hers alone! Oh, the shameful delight of a cheezy movie night was hers! Hers at last!

Upon reaching home, she quickly but carefully rescued the disc from its plastic prison. But the disc only knew freedom a moment, as the drawer she placed it upon quietly hissed back into the dark recesses of her computer tower. The play button was only a click away…
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Morality Movie Monday – Gone Baby Gone

July 5, 2010

This is a new thing I want to do this month. Maybe I’ll keep it as a regular feature. I had more fun than the movies warranted with my Friday Night Frights and Super Scary Saturday things last October (seriously..hellishly, hilariously bad batch of movies) and I’ve been wanting to do something similar again, but without the time consuming screen caps and mockery.

The first title I want to talk about is Gone Baby Gone, from 2007 and directed by Ben Affleck. It starred his brother, Casey, as a private investigator hired by the aunt of a missing child. Morgan Freeman was in this film as the police captain and Ed Harris was one of the detectives.

The acting was not terrific and I didn’t even bother learning character names, but the story itself (screenplay by Ben and Aaron Stockhard, adapted from Dennis LeHane’s novel, according to IMDB) was gritty and all shades of grey – perfect for a discussion about morality. Spoilers (if a three year old movie still has them) below the cut Read the rest of this entry »

Funky updates of the blogosphere kind

October 16, 2009

Ever hear of A Different Kind of Blog? I hadn’t, but the gang at ADKOB still felt compelled to offer me a chance to contribute my opinions to their blog.

They think they like me enough to suggest I’d like them, too. How cool is that?

But, faithful reader, don’t delete this link from your bookmarks or feeds or anything. There will still be exclusive fully minionated content available here, too.

Like my Friday Night Frights later on today. Don’t you dare miss that!


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